Im not supposed to be writing this. Im supposed to be working on one of my scripts and if I tire of that I have a video I need to work on.
Does anyone else hate all of the supposed tos of life?
So Im writing this entry anyway.
Good riddance to the introduction. Hello to the main thought.
Why does saying goodbye for good stink so much? While the question isnt a purely rhetorical one (I do plan on telling you what I think), it is worth some thought.
Im not talking about the goodbyes we use everyday at home, work and in social gatherings. Im talking about the final goodbyes. The hardest are when loved ones die but there are other goodbyes in life that we know are permanent.
When I graduated from college I knew I was saying goodbye for good. Sure Ive seen a few of my friends since graduation but the relationships we had in school will never be the same.
When I was 15 I went on a missions trip with Teen Missions to Indonesia. On the final day of the trip we had a sober goodbye ceremony. All the girls cried, none of the guys cried. I cant speak for the other guys but I didnt see the point in crying at the time.
Since the summer of 1990 Ive thought a lot about that trip and the relationships that I was blessed with. Of my 31 new friends and 5 adult leaders I have seen one and talked to another on the phone once in 98. The point to this trail: had I known then what I know now about the true nature of a final goodbye I would have cried too. The sad thing is when I got home from my trip I tried through letters, visits and other mission trips to recreate the camaraderie I experienced on that trip. Of course, it could never be recreated.
The path that each of our lives takes brings us together, and then takes us apart. Refusing to part is futile (and besides those kind of people always creep me out) but resenting or resisting it is very natural, once we understand what it really means.
Which brings me back to the end of this past school year. Ive analyzed why this recent parting took such a toll on me emotionally. The easy answer has two parts: first I think I put myself out more this year than in the past: in my extra curricular involvement, emotional involvement with troubled students, etc… The second is that I have finally come to realize the permanency of the parting. My first few years of teaching I thought I would see them and maybe even teach them again someday. I now know that these students are no longer my students and I wont have any more opportunities to impart truth, knowledge and character into them. Sure I see students at the mall, the grocery store and some brave souls even come by my class room (such visits are extremely gratifying as a teacher) but the relationship is over. Our paths have parted.
And that is how it is supposed to be. Im their 6th grade Social Studies teacher and when that year is over, I will have been their 6th grade Social Studies teacher. They move on and I move on.
Since I know that that is how it supposed to be why then does it upset me so?
To go from the specific to the general Ill return to my original question; Why does saying a final goodbye stink so much?
The answer (as far as I can figure) is that we werent meant to say goodbye forever. There is something in our makeup as humans to desire fellowship, relationship and to hold on to that for as long as we can. And when a loved one dies, most like to believe that they will see that person again in the hereafter.
Death is a destructive process that serves to severe something that God never meant to be severed. According to Genesis, Man was supposed to be immortal and have fellowship with God, Eve and creation.
I dont know what relief the knowledge that life doesnt work as it was supposed to gives. For me I find solace in the notion that someday I will see my college friends, my Sumatra 9031 teammates, and my students again.
Aside: As Im writing this Im realizing just how permanent the partings are. For instance lets say that I see all of these people I mentioned again. So? Will they remember me, will I remember them? Will we pick up where we left off? Maybe what Im really missing is that glimpse of time that can never be repeated. There are a lot of other thoughts tumbling through my head but theyre inarticulatable (I dont know how to communicate them since I cant grasp them myself). At the moment my first impulse is to go watch a movie or some other distraction so I dont contemplate the unpleasantness of reality. I guess that is why we come up with platitudes (i.e. Ill see you on the other side, gone but not forgotten) to help cover over thoughts that would only sadden us if truly contemplated.
Having said all of that, there are some goodbyes that are relished. For instance this article, if it is at all clear then it will make you think of things that are not pleasant. So when it is ends you can dismiss those thoughts along with this article. But are you supposed to?
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