I have a great inferiority complex. In fact, I have the best inferiority complex in the world. In my honest opinion… wait, what’s that? You have a better inferiority complex? Yeh, you’re probably right. Mine isn’t that good. Actually, I don’t even know what complex is. And I believe I imply and you infer, so I don’t even think I used that word right. You got me.
My confidence is weird. In some ways I have too much. My wife teases me that I think I can do anything – blame my parents, they told me I could do whatever I put my mind to. Makes me fume at how they handicapped me. 🙂 But when it comes to relationships I assume that people don’t like me until proven otherwise. 🙁
I remember cornering a childhood friend of mine and asking him if I was his best friend. Now, he hadn’t seen me in two years and we haven’t seen each other since, but he said I was his best friend. 2nd graders are so gullible. Nice kid though. If he had told me I wasn’t his best friend I don’t know how I would have reacted. Probably sucked my thumb, pouted and then called my wife and cried.
Actually I was in 2nd grade (and not married), but I couldn’t resist the dumb joke.
Facebook presents another challenge. I have a great memory, so if I “friend” someone and they don’t approve it I know it, even though Facebook doesn’t rub the rejection in your face. I don’t “friend” a lot of people. In fact most of my Facebook friends were people that asked me to be their friend. But there are a few people that I’ve “friended” and got rejected.
Reminds me of a website idea I have. It’s called fartbook. But I digress … or regress.
I yearn for acceptance, but grab a hold of the faintest scent of rejection. I don’t know why God has made me so sensitive. In many ways I see it as a major handicap for me professionally. I assume people will say no to my ideas, writings, videos, etc… so I rarely attempt the sell. And when I do and get rejected I do another couple spins in the neurotic cycle. As you may infer I’m in one of those cycles right now.
But I’m also impulsively persistent. So while I get knocked down by the slightest hint of rejection, I also bounce right back up. Kind of like a very drunk Weebul-wobble.
I know that God has made me sensitive to rejection. Having been rejected and felt rejection I tend to be better at recognizing it in other people and reaching out to them. I think this has been something I’ve been good at in my teaching career. Whether the loner on the playground, the quiet kid in the back, the difficult child who just needs someone to challenge and believe in him, or the substitute teacher – I try to make them all feel important and that they belong.
So here’s the profound advice my pastor once told me that I employ when I get into one of these funks. Talk to yourself. When we listen to our emotions, our fears, our hurts we tend not to make the right choices. When we speak to ourselves from the truth we know deep down (like say from that dusty book named Holly Bib Le) we tend to make better and more lasting decisions.
For instance, for every rejection that I’ve received I have received a number of acceptances (dude, I need an editor). As I mentioned a lot of people have requested that I be their friend. In fact if you’re reading this you may have been one of the half dozens that requested that I be your friend. Wow. Either you hit the wrong button, or you like me. You really really kind of like me… sorta. So I can concentrate on the few rejections (my personal preference) or I can look at the cool (and by cool I mean those that like me therefore defined as “cool”) people that didn’t reject me. My wife. My family. My friends. My cool co-workers . I even have former students that “friended” me (BTW: I won’t seek out former students, but will accept if they seek me out – I feel weird stalking former students… I mean I don’t stalk former… nevermind).
And for every person that I sent my video (“On a Level Playing Field”) to that is currently using it as a coaster, door stop or have thrown it in a box with all the old AOL CDs, there have been a number of people who have watched the video, given me feedback and even invested in my company. I still vacillate between thinking the video is great and thinking it stinks. Noone has told me it stinks, I just assume that if they don’t respond its because they think it stinks and don’t want to hurt my feelings. Maybe I should reframe that as “if they don’t respond, they must be jealous because its so good and they wish they had made it.” Yeh, I think I’ll start doing that.
So as I listen to me talk to myself I’m inferring that what I’m saying is that we can feel rejected or accepted by simply choosing who we focus on. The cool people that love us or the losers who don’t know what they’re missing.
So to review: when you get rejected talk to yourself and listen. But don’t listen to yourself talk.
Dude, that didn’t make any sense. I stink.
But… I stink so bad that all the other kids are jealous.
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