Monsters In the Dark …

“Never doubt in the dark, what God has revealed to you in the light.” Raymond Edman

Like so much advice, it is much easier to nod in acquiescence and continue on in the opposite direction. To rephrase for the sake of my junior high students. In one ear and out the other.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the whole idea of Godly counsel. Good counsel is so hard to find and then when it is finally acquired, it is very often ignored. Makes the pragmatic philosopher want to forsake the call and tell everyone what they want to hear. Better job security, popularity and benefits.

Don’t question in the dark… I’m writing this blog and preaching to myself. Still the chances aren’t much better my audience will respond.

Of course, when we do things in our own strength and with our own power we never bring about God’s kingdom. Only as we trust God, hear His voice, obey it and rely on Him do we become vessels used to usher in His Kingdom. Again for my students: God wants His stuff done His way. Trying to do God’s stuff our way leads to Frankenstein.

Today in Sunday school the question was discussed on how to hear God. The simple answer that I’ve been telling my students since the 5th grade (now they’re in 7th and 8th) is to read the Bible and pray. I’ve encouraged them to read their Bible (one chapter a night) and to say goodnight to God (which is what a teacher challenged me to do in 6th grade). But when it comes to life in Junior High, students want to hear God specifically and clearly.

Actually, I guess that applies to everyone. The obvious sources of Godly guidance and revelation (the Bible, godly influences, prayer) are ignored or overlooked in the quest for supernatural epiphanies.

So what does that have to do with me? That’s the question my audience wants to know. Well I’ve heard God speak to me specifically and clearly twice. I’ve asked him a thousand times, and he’s answered every time, but only twice was it clear to me that it was God and not me. Of course when I say me, what I mean is that most of the direction I receive comes from verses I’ve memorized, good counsel, and a peace.

One of the clearest epiphanies that God gave me was through Psalm 35 and a Keith Green tape. God didn’t say a word to me, but he used these media to direct me.

Well, I’m fastly getting out of my depth. When it comes to hearing God I am no expert. There is far better stuff out there, by people that are far better at this stuff then I. I suspect though, that when you distill all the advice, counsel and books one will end up with; read the Bible, pray, seek Godly counsel. But then again, reading chicken entrails is a forgotten art.

I digress.

The point of this entry was to lead myself back to the point where I know I need to be, but don’t have the confidence to accept. Yes, I’ll be more specific.

God has called me to write and produce movies (I originally wrote media – that way I could hedge my bets). Four and a half years ago (after film school) God spoke to me that I needed to get a job (I ended up getting a teaching gig – which has been awesome) and establish my family. He also told me that this establishing would take 3-5 years. Now I know this was God; it was one of the two times that He spoke to me clearly and specifically.

I didn’t have a problem trusting God over the past 4 1/2 years. But now as the time frame closes I am clueless on how to move forward.

Which leads to the second time God spoke to me. I was questioning on which direction to proceed: Missions or Movies. Since I was 12, I’ve wanted to be a missionary, but while doing the former I fell in love with the medium of movies and saw how effective this tool could be used to share the good news (you know the whole sin, forgiveness, redemption, love, sacrifice and salvation thingee). So I spent eight years developing my writing, and producing skills.

But instead of being propelled into the stratosphere of missions or movies, God told me to establish my family (a subject for a future blog I’m sure) and I became a teacher. Now three years into this teacher gig, I became frustrated and cried out to God to tell me which direction to go. Don’t misunderstand; the frustration is not over my job. In fact, I enjoy teaching too much. I at times have doubted the M&M calling and considered devoting my life to education. But it is the fact that I enjoy this so much that I have to keep reminding myself of those things God has told me in the light, lest I question and abandon them now.

So the second thing that God revealed to me clearly (I’m sure I’ve written about it before so I’ll summarize here) was that I was to pursue the writing and producing of Hollywood type movies. And (this is very important to me) it was because my heart was in missions, that God could entrust me with the movie thing.

I’m laughing as I reread that last line. Similar to Sarah’s laugh. What movie thing? I don’t see it. I’ve knocked on some doors, and went to Los Angeles in March. While there it became clear that in order to be obedient to God’s call I would need to relocate my family to LA. I was hoping I could do the movie thing in Texas. I like it here. Also a future blog.

What I do see is the birth of my 4th child in April. A commitment my wife has here for the next 14 months, and no clear way forward.

I see no light projected on my path. I do; however, see an achievable level of success, professional recognition and job satisfaction with my teaching career. Comfortable, safe and secure.

And in God’s equation those are the three words that tipped the balance in favor of a future move to LA. LA won’t be comfortable, safe or secure. My family and I will have to trust God.

As you can see, the stupid scale thing broke. For now I should close this entry before fully exploring the topic (I do have the commitment to teaching which starts in just a few hours; hours I should spend sleeping so I exhibit the fruits of the spirit, and the not the grouchiness of man).

I still don’t have any clue on HOW to do it. I don’t even know WHEN or WHO I’ll be working with / for. But the WHAT: The Calling and the WHERE: LA have been answered. I just wish that next time God would give me all the answers at once. That way I wouldn’t have to trust Him or need Him as much, and could get on with creating my own Pfanenstien monster.’,’‘, ‘1′, ‘1′, ‘2005-09-25 23:50:00′, ‘0′, ‘0′, ‘0′, ‘3′, ‘0′);