Is it too late to be a Hedonist?

Last night, once the kids were asleep, my wife and I watched the first 15 minutes of Rent. During these 15 minutes we witnessed a slew of young hedonists bemoan the fact that they had to pay rent and lament the horrible suffering that was thrust upon them (namely the HIV virus).

I might have kept watching if I hadn’t already seen Team America World Police where they lampoon Rent with “Lease” and its signature song “Everybody has AIDS!”

I’m not making light of AIDS or those who are afflicted by it. Nevertheless it is hard to take seriously, or feel sympathy for people who take little or no responsibility for their life while they seek out hedonistic pleasures.

Ironically, of the “isms,” hedonism does make the most sense. All of the other “isms” have their supposed payout at the end. Be it Paradise, Nirvana, reincarnation, or a new crock pot, most have one pay in this life for something one may or may not get in the next. Hedonism is the perfect American religion. Like the credit cards we so enjoy, you get what you want now and pay for it later.

But pay you will. In my last entry I talked about Rudyard Kipling’s “Gods of the Copybook Headings” and one of these headings he uses in the poem is “the wages of sin is death.” It is right to feel sorry for people that are suffering and dying. This is called compassion – and it’s a good thing. The problem that I have seen in life is that so many refuse to consider the eventual costs despite being warned by parents, friends and society. Then when the Rent is due they whine, try to avoid collections and want others to pick up the tab.

In a way its similar to the Welfare State that President Johnson initiated in the 1960’s. While the goal was noble (erase poverty), this socialist system has seen poverty explode in the inner city. As any economist will tell you, you get what you pay for. When you pay people not to work … well it doesn’t take John Maynard Keynes to tell you that you are in a for a bumper harvest.

If, out of compassion, we remove all of the consequences for sin (for that is what hedonism basically is) then are we doing them or future hedonists any favors?

This is a bigger question then it first appears. For this is the struggle that we have in society on so many levels. Whether it is a mundane issue like school attendance and performance or a major lightning rod like abortion or drug use we have a hard time letting people pay up.

As a teacher I think more kids should fail. I think the whole “self-esteem” card is a bunch of malarkey. Should we socially promote someone (despite their triumphant lack of effort) so that they don’t develop low self-esteem? Our society says we should and we have. So we have a whole bunch of idiots who feel real good about themselves. So good that they join FHA (Future Hedonists of America), have multiple offspring by different mommas and never learn to take responsibility for their actions all the while holding onto their precious self-esteem.

Now I’m not a kill-joy. If someone is trying then the education system shouldn’t let them down, but when they aren’t even trying the education system does let them down by letting them pass.

My parents taught me that self-esteem was based on their love for me AND on my actions in life. Self-esteem is not a bad thing, if there is something there to be esteemed. We teach our children that they are valuable just because of who they are, and then when they graduate or leave school they enter a world where you are judged by what you do. Wouldn’t it be nice if we gave them a heads up about this before we’ve lost the chance to put anything more into their head?

I got caught stealing in 5th grade. I often tell my students the story and have written about it before so I wont rehash it here. Nevertheless it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got caught. I was forced to take responsibility for my actions and once I was forced to pay up it changed my life. My teachers would have done me a great disservice if they had had compassion on me and let me slide or given me a stiff warning and evil eye. What I needed was those two hours in the principals office where I cried, pleaded and begged for mercy. Then when I saw mercy wasn’t coming I changed to pleading for forgiveness and once I got swatted, a hanky.

Interestingly, because the punishment was immediate and complete I knew that afterwards I could rebuild their trust in me. Sure there was shame but this just motivated me the more to try very hard to rebuild the relationship they had with me. I went on that year to place 3rd in a district wide math competition, and was recommended for advanced classes by my English teacher, the same one that I had stolen from. I still remember Mrs. Harris’s talk with me at the end of the year and wonder how much her belief in me has given me confidence to write (and I’ve written a lot). I don’t know that any of these things would have been possible if I thought they were still mad at me or were out to get me. There wrath had been satisfied, and I still bare the marks on my ego. Their compassion hurt me, but this hurt was temporal and helped me in the long run.

So in a way being forced to take responsibility for my actions, my teachers (and parents) immunized me to hedonism. You can’t be a responsible hedonist. Hedonism by definition is a self-serving desire driven mentality. Taking responsibility takes self-control which is (to use my current favorite word) anathema to the hedonistic creed.

I love the beer commercials that say “drink responsibly.” What they really mean is find someone who will be responsible so that he/she can be your designated driver so you can be irresponsible and get drunk. To be truly responsible one wouldn’t drink. Kinda like the “safe sex” add campaign. I have safe sex. I waited till I was married and remain faithful to my wife. But that isn’t what the “safe sex” slogan is about. Anyway, I digress…

What I am alluding to is called in other circles “tough love.” Tough love is hard. Sometimes it is harder for the one doing the loving, then the one being loved. I often laughed when my parents would tell me “this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you” right before they beat the ketones out of my backside.

Now as a parent I’m seeing it differently. It is a pain to correct my children. It takes too much effort, self-control and patience to train, correct and discipline a child. It is far easier to have compassion and give them another chance. For instance the whole reason parents give their children “3 seconds” to do something is because they are hoping the child will respond so that they don’t have to get up off of the duff. Me, I give my children 10 seconds. Yes, I’m that lazy.

Mrs. Miller, a fellow teacher I’ve worked with for five years, put it this way: you either fight for your kid when they’re five or you fight them when they are 15. Either way you will have to fight. The biggest difference is that when they are five you should be able to win. At 15 you both lose.

One good thing came from the 15 minutes of watching Rent. I was reminded that you write what you know. The writer of Rent knew his material because he lived that lifestyle in the East Village. And this may be one reason so many films and TV shows have been out of touch with the mainstream because the writers write from what they know and they are out of touch with the mainstream. Fortunately for me I couldn’t be any more mainstream if I tried; I’m married, have children, go to work, go to church and have weeds in my lawn.

Aside: Did anyone see the disconnect in George Clooney’s Oscar acceptance speech besides myself? Clooney, the penultimate hedonist, says that he’s glad Hollywood is out of touch with the mainstream because that means that they have led America in issues such as racial equality (and then he failed to mention any other examples). While I’ll cede that Hollywood has been instrumental in racial issues (Guess who’s coming to diner, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Heat of the Night to name some noteworthy films) I don’t think every area that they have led in has been good for society.

Thanks in large part to Hollywood’s example divorce is a national epidemic, sexual promiscuity is rampant, we are losing the drug war and a generation of men are seeking love from other men because they never had a father. Fortunately, Hollywood has glamorized Homosexuality to such an extent that now our boys can choose between being George Michael or George Clooney.

I can think of a half dozen Georges that I’d rather my children emulate. These two don’t make my list.

When it comes down to it the cure for hedonism is strong dose of responsibility. I’m afraid genetically we’re all infected with the lazy / selfish gene.

So hedonism? Is it too late to join? For me it is. I can’t live life for myself (though I do try to work in some selfishness whenever I am able). I have responsibilities. And while I have had to pay a lot (effort as well as finances) I already know that I’m going to like the return on my investment.

I’m going to call my film “Mortgage.” Because in the end we all pay, the smart ones have something to show for it.