Ironically enough, I decided today to start dropping names in this blog. I’ve not mentioned many people but have every intention of referencing people whenever appropriate… starting next entry.
For this entry I want to talk about confrontation. It has come to my attention that I intimidate people. This comes as a surprise to me since I’ve always considered myself approachable and teachable.
It makes me want to beat them up for saying I’m difficult to confront. The nerve of some people!
Besides the fact my humor missed, the ability of myself to beat people up is also absent.
This comment from a co-worker did catch me off guard and has got me thinking. How approachable am I really? Do I receive from others? Am I open to advice, feedback and other people’s misguided opinions?
I am still contemplating this remark about my being intimidating. Probably the reason it comes as such a surprise is because to be intimidating means I have something worthy of being feared. If only I knew how Stalin laughed I’d try to mimic it here (ala: Better to be feared then loved). My physical presence has never been of the intimidating sort. Frankly I’m a nerd … and this may be what intimidates people. Either that or my keen wit.
Yes, I’m completely lost as well. To misquote Edison, “I didn’t fail, I found three explanations that didn’t work.” Well, I will ruminate on my intimidating nature and may address that later.
But for now I’ll talk about the fightless. It is no secret that my secret ambition is to stir the pot. I don’t run from a fight. I believe I’m wise enough to avoid stupid fights, but I don’t like bullies and will stand up to such ruffians whenever and wherever I have sufficient back up.
The subject of this entry is the average person who avoids fights at all cost. Avoiding direct confrontation, many seem to revert to gossip, bitterness, revenge, pettiness and ultimately apathy.
My personal opinion (redundant much?) is that most people don’t care enough to confront. Confrontation is hard. I’ll admit that there are few people that I am close enough, or care enough about to confront. If I do confront someone I hardly know it is usually only for the moment. (i.e. two weeks ago another co-worker said that radical Christians were just as bad as radical Muslims – yes, I didn’t let that go. Until after the meeting, and now I don’t care enough about her to correct the gross misrepresentation).
Back to the person that said I was intimidating. I’ve been racking my brain to remember the last time I was confronted by this individual and can only recall one time 2 years ago. I guess I leave quite an impression. That’s a good thing right?
As with anything, there needs to be a balance with confrontation. I’ve known a few people who relish confrontation too much and bully people with their opinions and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, I know of few people that can carefully confront. My friend Bryan did this a few months ago. He had something that he needed to share with me, so he invited me out for a burger (which is unusual in and of itself, 90% of the time I pay for the meals when I eat with others) and shared his concerns. While what he had to say did sting, in the end I have a deeper respect and appreciation because he took the time to carefully confront.
My wife, Tamara Pfanstiel, has been struggling with a number of theological issues. The biggest being the role of women in Christianity. She has written about this journey, struggle and the questions she has on her blog (link). I’m very proud of her for her honesty and while I don’t agree with everything she has written and would word it differently, I’m proud of her work regardless. Besides if she were my female clone I’d never have married her.
The funny thing to me is that many of her controversial entries come from the confrontations that she and I have had over the years. It goes without saying that many of her friends are concerned about her salvation, sanity and sailor speech. Yet not one has taken the time to confront her in a respectful way, that I know of. That would take too much time and effort. Instead people will gossip, blast a harsh e-mail, comment on her facebook page, or avoid her altogether.
I wish my wife had the kind of friends that would care enough to confront. They’d find that my wife is very approachable and worthy of the effort. But alas, how many people will take a stand for what they believe and confront someone they care about? Instead most, it seems, take flight and refuse to fight. Besides such an engagement, like any fight, will leave both parties bruised … and stronger. I can see why so many people avoid it.
I have a hard time respecting such cowardice.
And I will drop names next entry… once my spine arrives.
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