Ends and Odds (“A Tale of a Cindys”)

God’s a funny … guy? So I’m editing this entry and thinking of the story that I heard at a Cindy Morgan concert in the late 1990’s. The story was how her father had wanted to be a song writer but instead worked a “regular” job in order to provide for his wife and children. Then lo and behold his daughter Cindy becomes a singer/song writer. This story has been one resonating in my heart for years. Anyway, Cindy told the story at her concert when introducing the song “Listen” that she and her father co-wrote. It is my favorite Cindy Morgan song (which is saying a lot since she?s my favorite female artist), which may be due in part to the background story. Either way the song and story are both awesome. So as I’m preparing to write this article the song “Listen” comes up on my iPod. Okay, it isn’t that funny, but it did give me an odd beginning to my article which is something I appreciate.

My wife has committed to writing in her blog every day for the month of November. In a show of solidarity I’ve decided to write once in November… it’s the least I could do.

For so long I’ve seen my wife and kids as a hindrance to the fulfilling of my dreams. I won’t say this out loud, but it is how I’ve often felt and possibly one of the reasons for my lack of patience at times with my family (self-diagnose much?). Anyway, this all got turned on its head recently for me. In a recent prayer time God gently showed me that I was being an egotistical selfish grouch – but in a nice way. He reminded me of Cindy Morgan’s father and how this man was willing to sacrifice his dreams in order that his children could fulfill theirs. Too oft, it seems, Americans are much more willing to sacrifice their children in pursuit of their dreams. God’s ways are exemplified by Mr. Morgan’s actions. Man’s wisdom is building sand castles in the midst of a hurricane.

I recently realized in one of those God’s humor moments that my wife will get published before I do. I used to say “a long time before I do.” But I aint proud. I’ll ride on her coat tails (or baby wrap tails) if it means I get published because her publisher feels sorry for me.

Speaking of our as of yet unpublished masterpieces I had this great article called “A Tale of Two Cindys” that I developed while a columnist in college. I fell in love with the concept but haven’t had a chance to polish and publish it yet. Suffice it to say it compares Cindy Morgan with Cindy Crawford. Obviously, I had this idea back in the ‘90s. I may still write it but these two have to do their part and become popular again, and it would help if Ms. Crawford hadn’t gotten respectable.

So Cindy’s dad sacrificed his dreams for his children. The question God posed to me during our monologue was “so what do you think?” God doesn’t talk much. Usually just pops a question in my head that I wrestle with for hours until it takes root.

I hope my answer is yes. ‘Yes, I’ll let go of every dream, vision and the future that I’ve always imagined if this means my children reach the promise land.” Unfortunately, my thoughts, attitudes and words seem to answer otherwise.

Did you know that Moses led the children of Israel through the wilderness for 40 years’ I’d always seen this 40 year detour as a complete waste of time. Last night as I was indoctrinating my children with Keith Green songs the song “So you wanna go back to Egypt” (the first Keith Green song I ever remember hearing) came up.”Well I’m having so much trouble even now.
Why’d he get so mad about that cow, that golden cow.
Moses seems rather idle, he just sits around.
He just sits around and writes the Bible.”

It hit me like a soiled cloth diaper (doesn’t hurt but you don’t forget it either); Moses spent a large part of those 40 years writing the Pentateuch (the first 5 books of the Bible). I wonder if the most important things I’ll ever do are the things that I’m doing now as I wait on my chance to finally do something important?/. I don’t know whether that’s a question or a statement; hence the ?/.

Don’t think too long on that last thought. And DON’T start quoting John Lenin. You know the quote about life being what happens on our way to do something else. (I paraphrased him so its okay, I can’t bring myself to quote Lenin).

A deep thought that I’ll pass over in one paragraph since it was just put to me tonight during my prayer time. “Do I seek God’s face or his hand’” While asking Him some disturbing questions about recent actions and His apparent inaction He popped this one in my head. It morphed into a more developed question “what kind of relationship do I want with God’”

Most of my life I’ve been very comfortable with the servant relationship. God is the boss. I’m his steward/servant. I’m faithful, hard-working and trustworthy. And that’s where it has been for years. An interesting thing is that Jesus hints that there are promotions. “I no longer call you servants but friends.” And an even bigger one is coming where we go from friends to his bride (a concept that still boggles my masculine mind).

I’ve been praying that God would show me His ways as He did with Moses. But I’ve approached Him like the Children of Israel who only wanted to see miracles and didn’t bother to discover God’s heart as Moses did.

I don’t know where this promotion will take me but tonight I decided I’d get to know God’s heart first and foremost. I don’t doubt that the miracles and power promised with come, but my priority now is finding His heart. I’ll let you know how that goes.

And finally the back of my scalp is sprouting a sun roof. Balding is what others call it. I avoid that term because its depressing. For awhile I put Rogaine on it but would forget and don’t like to put any more chemicals into my body then I have to (those who are familiar with my meals have probably just lost theirs).

So I’ve prayed and asked God to restore my hair. A trivial prayer request to be sure. But since we’re now friends we joked about it tonight. I told God that since He counts the hairs of my head, He can count up or down, but since the kingdom of God is always increasing… He then reminded me that “I must decrease so that He could increase.” The long and short and absent of it is that I’m not going to be so obsessed with my hair anymore. If it grows back or falls out then Praise God. What I am going to do in the meantime is whenever I think of it (or am reminded by over-observant students) I’m going to pray for missionaries, ministers and Christians around the world who are going through hairy situations every day. Maybe their life will become less hairy while I take up their burden (of hair).

Besides I inherited this from my grandfather Rufus and he was a godly man. I know that many of the blessings I’ve experienced in my life via parents, spiritual heritage, etc… are due to him and other relatives (many that I never met). So I’ll proudly sport my sunroof (if the Lord wants it that way) and keep my brain well ventilated. Even if I could fight for my hair through prayer it seems such a trivial care that I won’t go there.

This article, like the life of many of my odd thoughts and hair follicles; must now come to an abrupt end.

Originally written 11/7/2010