Does Jesus Burp?

This was my son’s question, but it did get me to think. “What would Jesus do if he had to burp?” Or on a slightly skewed approach, “did Jesus ever have burping contest with his buddies?” And if he did, did he ever use his supernatural powers to burp the whole Torah?

Now if this line of questioning seems sacrilegious then I must protest at your sanctimony. And yes, I do like using big words for no reason. I could, of course, have just said “if these questions bug you then I think the way you see Jesus may be too strict.”

Jesus was God, sure. But he was also fully man. And as a man he may have found some pride in his ability to burp… maybe even … flatulate. And yes, I can’t get myself to write “and Jesus farted.” That seems to cross some line of good taste and seems crude. It is, but the simple fact is that Jesus was a man just like you and me. What is more, burping and farting are not sins. They are perceived as crude and impolite in formal situations but that doesn’t make them impure.

This line of thought is not so benign as you might at first imagine. The fact that Jesus was a man (and all that that entails) is something that people have struggled with since the first century. In fact many in the early church viewed this world and our earthly body as contagions that contaminated our pure souls/spirits. The sect of Gnostics rejected that Jesus Christ was fully human and even rejected the crucifixion because it was so vulgar.

I heard echoes of this with the recent release of “The Passion of the Christ” and how it was so violent and bloody.

Now I’m not going to be one who glories in the bodily functions of my savior. There does need to be some respect but the fact that my Lord was a human and more than that created mankind (so farting was his idea, not the Farrelly Brothers) does need to be remembered.

This does tie into another one of my motifs (more on this later): SEX. God created sex and it isn’t dirty. In fact God created sex FIRST and then LATER told Adam and Eve to procreate. So many want to make sex obscene that they will go so far as to say sex was instituted AFTER the Fall and not before. Obviously, such a person needs some Levitra or Viagra. If I was all alone and God brought a drop dead gorgeous lady to me to be my wife AND she was naked, well I would have given up on naming the animals for a week or four.

Many see sex as so impure that they demand and add extra-biblical theology called the Perpetual Virginity of Mary because they can’t imagine that such a highly honored saint as Mary is (and should be) would be corrupted by marital relations with her husband, Joseph, after the birth of Jesus. They go so far as to insist that she was conceived without a father as well (called the Immaculate Conception). What would be so wrong with Mary being born normally and receiving the honor of baring the Christ child because of her choices and God’s grace? And why shouldn’t Joseph and Mary be allowed the joy and pleasure of marital relations after Jesus’ birth? Is sex that perverted? If it is, then again you must blame the Creator. Seriously blame God for sex, and if you can’t get yourself to do this, then you need to reevaluate your perception of this covenant.

This attitude is a lot more damaging then it might appear. As Jesus told Peter “whatever I have declared clean, don’t you declare unclean.” The Church has done innumerable damage by declaring marital sex unclean or at best only tolerated for procreation. I can only imagine what sort of society we would live in if all the godly priests and nuns that served God with their lives were allowed to marry and teach their children to follow the Lord with the devotion of their parents.

This attitude also makes a proper and righteous understanding of sex virtually impossible. This past fall my wife and I took a course on the Song of Solomon by Tommy Nelson. It was one of the best classes I have taken. And had the most enjoyable homework ever! Anyway, I would strongly recommend married (and engaged couples) to take the class or read the book (link to book on Amazon). I think another class geared toward teenagers would also be a gold mine for youth groups and parents (link).

While taking the class one of my biggest frustrations is that this class and information wasn’t presented to me when I was a teenager struggling with my sexual desires and functions. What I saw then, and see in the church to this day, is that young people will find the answers to these questions – even if the answers they receive are way off and extremely damaging. Maybe its time to dust off the Restricted portions of the Good Book and teach young Christians the truth and plan that God has for sex. Such pertinent questions on such a pressing subject would, I imagine, validate and inspire young people to seek answers for other questions that they struggle with. But if the Bible doesn’t even speak about masturbation, petting or sexual urges (except for those references to cutting off your right hand lest you go to hell – which is of course not what Jesus is talking about but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been used to scare many perplexed young believers) then how can one trust it to give the answers to the other problems that one faces? So many people have left the church to find the answers to this and while they’re sleeping (around) they question everything else that they were taught – and I can’t blame them.

If this doesn’t bother you enough how about trying this on for size? While I don’t buy the line espoused by The DaVinci Code about Jesus marrying Mary Magdalene, the truth is that Jesus will one day marry. While this marriage won’t be exactly as we know marriage to be on this earth, God did create the union of man and wife to be a type and shadow of what is to come. Maybe this union of Christ with His bride (that He’s been engaged to for two millennium) is what the Bible means by Rapture.

Not exactly the brain fiber you expected to read about in an article called “Does Jesus Burp?” was it?