Artificial Achievement

Last night I won a war. Tonight I shuffled paper and balanced the books. One night was wasted, the other will never be noticed.

Yet tonight I accomplished something. Nothing that anyone will ever notate in a historical record. Noone will appreciate the hours of filing, stapling, data entry and rearranging that it has cost me.

My accomplishments last night (thwarting the enemy’s counterattack while securing my own borders) will also be lost to the annals of history.

If I had had my choice I would have worked tonight on expanding my borders, and achieving even greater victory and strokes of tactical genius. But alas, if I don’t balance the books and pay the bills then the home in which I play and the power that I use to give my video games life would be lost to the invading forces of reality.

I’ve often thought about my fondness for the artificial achievement of video games. But first some needless background. I like video games, especially the RTS (real time strategy) games where the gamer takes on the role of a general and commands dozens if not hundreds of units in battle. As I type this I realize how pathetic it must sound to someone who has never experienced the thrill of destroying the evil forces of NOD, or suffered the embarrassment of losing your town center only to fight back from the economic brink to victory by building and defending a wonder.

Awe, the thrill of artificial accomplishment! During the metaphorical hundreds of hours (it is metaphorical because literally it has been thousands of hours) that I have spent mastering the art of cyberized classical warfare life has continued on.

There is this cool verse in the Bible … a couple really, but there’s this one that relates. I think it goes something like “where is the pride in the things of which you are now ashamed?” I might actually be able to quote it correctly, but I’ve used up a lot of my quiet time minutes garnering favor at the temple of Zeus.

Sounds like idolatry and I don’t know that it isn’t. And that would scare me if I actually intended on contemplating the connection. Instead I’ll just rationalize it away as “down time” and an opportunity to challenge my mind. When I’m real desperate for self-justification I’ll say that I’m using critical thinking skills to diagnose and solve complex problems.

Depending on how much sleep time I missed out on (I’m one of those gamers that has a job, family and life outside of the gaming universe and so must tap the sleep time resource) I would add that these are valuable skills in case the Communist ever attack us and we are forced into the mountains to regroup as they did in the documentary “Red Dawn.”

But I don’t intend on letting the “truth” virus lock up my gaming system. So I’ll kick out the CD and reboot to wipe the slate clean.

BTW: Red Dawn is not a documentary, but for those who grew up when it was first released it seemed like one.

* * * (November 4, 2005)

It’s been two weeks since I started this entry. And I’ll be publishing tonight regardless of how solid an argument I make.

A few hours ago I visited an electronic’s store with the idea of buying a computer game. I have my eye on three different games and I now have the money to buy one.

If you know anything about games it is already clear that I did not purchase a game. If I had I would be playing the game and not wasting time being all… what’s the word? Thoughtful?

So I didn’t buy the game, but before you give me kudos I want to let you know that I probably will buy it. I don’ t have the will to resist buying them eventually. I’m patient, but I’m also stubborn … and did I mention selfish. Besides why not buy them?

Course now that I’m being all introspective I can see a few reasons. But the arguments for and against video games (and for that matter any form of “escapist” entertainment) are really moot at this time. I’m starting to see a glimpse of the root problem: a lack of motivation.

I’ve always sensed that I have a destiny and that my life has some greater purpose. And from talking to many others I believe that this sense of purpose is something most people have. Now the root problem that causes many to exchange real achievement for the artificial (irregardless the hobby we all make this trade) is a lack of motivation or despair. Life too often knocks us down, and takes the air right out of us. And the harder we strive to accomplish lasting stuff the more we see what an uphill battle this is.

Which begs the question; Who is saner? The inmate that is banging his head against the walls of his padded cell, or the one taking his pills and docilely enjoying the drug induced euphoria?

True, the illustration is itself very skeptical. Who says that trying to accomplish positive change in ourselves, others and our world is impossible? Our experiences tend to drive home our finiteness but our hopes and dreams always somehow battle back.

In teaching, this battle against cynicism is a constant. Reality says that the students from solid families (regardless of economic level) tend to produce students that are solid. As a teacher our job seems to be; don’t screw them up. While students from wavering families are going to struggle despite our best efforts. So why even try? Why care? Caring takes too much energy and brings too much hurt and rejection.

And then there are those rare moments when encouragement does arrive and gives you the hope you need to fight on for a little longer. A week ago a student from my first year of teaching came by my classroom. He still remembered some of my lessons and concepts and more importantly still liked history – I hadn’t messed him up. In fact, I have this nagging feeling that I may have even been of some positive benefit to him. Such nagging signs of self-confidence are fleeting, but seem to sprout up when you need them most.

As I close this entry I am very aware of how disjointed it is. Which is good because this ending is going to come out of nowhere but does relate if only in my mind.

Real accomplishment takes time and is rarely tangible. Most great achievements take more than one lifetime to accomplish. True leaders are visionaries that begin a work knowing that they won’t see it finished but are okay with that.

These true leaders I’m referring to are not the ones history records. Rather these servant heroes are the soldiers who give their lives and limbs in defense of freedoms and ideas that they will never again experience. They are the educators who keep their heart open to every student despite the pain. They are the parents that set expectations high but will always accept regardless how low. They are politicians who will do what is right especially when it costs them. They are the people throughout society that keep working toward their dreams despite the alluring calls from the docile to “settle down, and go with the flow.”

Since I’m not one of these leaders (yet) I shall finish with someone else’s quote; “If it were easy everyone would do it.”

Of course after much research I cannot find the person who achieved the previous quote. Poetic irony that such a stellar quote must remain anonymous. Course that is how life really is. Those who seek notoriety rarely deserve it, and those who don’t rarely get it.

And you can quote me on that one.