|
|
|
The importance of knowing names
|
Do you know what your name means? Do you know your name! And
finally, can you tell me your name! This column will not answer
any of these questions, but it will tell you a reason for names.
The reason for names is - and don't let this surprise you - I
don't know. I didn't bother to research it. But if I had, I'm sure
it would be something like "to differentiate knowledgeably
between beings" (i.e., to know who you are talking to, talking
at, or being ignored by).
Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People,
said that using another person's name shows a high degree of honor
and respect. This honoring endears you to them, and thus you "Win
Friends."
Imagine, if you will, that everyone on campus knew everyone else's
first name. Imagine also a world where it rained donuts and rivers
were pure chocolate.
Okay, now back to reality. The problem is that most people don't
know or remember other people's names, if they even bother to ask.
I first noticed this problem while at my wing table in Marriott.
I like to say "hi" and ask for a brief synopsis of how
everyone's life is. The problem is that I never listen for a reply.
The art to me is in the asking, not the listening. Hey, what do
you expect! I'm a journalist!
So now I'm in the midst of a deep soul-searching conversation
with a girl on Kalah (my sister wing) and I have no idea what her
name is. Go ahead and laugh at me buddy, but you know you do it
to.
Another problem is that it sometimes takes a moment for names
to register. I'11 be walking around ORU, careful to avoid any trees,
when someone will say, "Hi, Phil. I liked your last article"
or "Yo, Phil. Don't quit your day job!" or something encouraging
like that. I will look up, give him the patented "nose tile/
head yank upward with a smile" greeting while my brain searches
its cell for the name. A good 20 seconds later it will hit me. This
is why I am often caught yelling back at someone from across campus,
"Hi, Autumn, fine and how are you doing!". So, if I have
done this to you, I do apologize; please don't be offended, and
please don't TP my car. The rust will get offended.
Obviously, it is understandable to be offended if someone who
should know your name doesn't. Just remember how many times you
have forgotten things yourself, and be more understanding. Most
things people are offended by are not done intentionally.
One way I have overcome this is to always introduce myself. It
has become something of a bad habit. I will introduce myself to
my parents "Hi, Mom. This is your son Philip. You may remember
me from such events as giving birth and paying college tuition."
And to my girlfriend, "Hello, Tamara. This is Philip Pfanstiel.
You may remember me; we've been dating for two years now."
A person that I really respect recently asked me why I always
reintroduce myself to him. Simply put, I don't want to risk him
not remembering me.
This may be a good suggestion for those of you who are offended
when people don't Xmember your name. Try reintroducing yourself.
Another good suggestion that I have heard - I forget who from
for remembering the name of someone you meet, is to use that person's
name three or four times in the immediate conversation. Besides,
it's better to work through pronunciation and confirm that you have
the right name when you first meet them, rather than, let's say,
once you are married.
Of course, with any major lifestyle change (i.e., acknowledging
the existence of other people) there will be difficulties. You will,
despite your efforts, forget someone's name or confuse them with
someone else or call them by the name of one of their siblings ("Hi!
My name is Sam's brother"). The best recovery that I have found
is to ask again, while apologizing profusely. It is amazing to me
how forgiving people will be if they are not ignored.
|
|
|
