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Love letter to Tamara from
Philip via the Paper
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If I tried really hard I could write a great column on love. But
why try that hard when I could save time and sound deep by copying
sections from the countless books written on the subject.
The drawbacks to a discussion on love is that it is too expansive
and something I do not pretend to understand. Besides, love in the
abstract is very distracting and frustrating. Everyone wants to
be loved, and to love. So what's the point of talking about it?
If, however, I were intent on adding to the deluge (which I am)
then I would have to come up with a thesis and attempt to prove
it.
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Or I could wax loquacious about God and how He is love.
While such a story is true and would be effective, at this
point in my life it would be forced and fake. So I will stick
to the thesis.
Due to the nature of this article, my most trusted proof
reader will not have read it when it goes to print in less
than 24 hours. Therefore, since this may be my last article
that she allows me to write, I want to ask that you be especially
generous with the chuckles.
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So what is my thesis?
I love Tamara.
Hallman that is. Soon to be Pfanstiel. (So named for the lad
that she is betrothed to marry in May).
Now, why do I love Tamara?
Its hard to explain why I love Tamara, but
I will try. For beginners she is beautiful, funny, intelligent,
bubbly, generous... did I mention gorgeous? Wait, thesaurus
time... Well, she is. While these facts are without contradiction
(remember I have connections in the German Mafia) they do
not constitute my reason for loving her. Neither does a litany
of her spiritual attributes: godliness, sincerity, purity,
sensitivity, passion for God and others.
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Do I love her because it was love at first sight? God told me
to? Or was it bound to be? No, no, depends (I'm of Calvinist and
Armenian descent).
The reason I love her is simple and yet impossible to explain.
I know that I love her because... well, I just know.
It hasn't always been this way. When I first met her I liked
her a lot, but I was trying my hardest to fall in love with someone
else. But love being a mutual thing... well, it didn't happen. Fortunately.
In time my liking for Tamara became a "really liking"
and it still is. Love, now that is something I decided to do, and
not because she put up with my sense of humor (although that didn't
hurt). While love is very special, I think it is a decision more
than a feeling. It is a decision to get to know and remain faithful
to one person for life.
My love for her has grown as I have gotten to know her, and know
about her. The more I know, the more I like and the more I like
the more I want to love. Does that make any sense, or have I had
too much caffeine?
I know that when she gets excited she tends to run into things.
I know that she loves people and will run across campus to give
a hug to someone she thought she knew, only to find it's a tourist.
I know how she points out babies whenever she sees them and says
"it's a baby," or "I want a baby." I also know
how she gets after seeing a Cesarean section, or a 10 pound baby
being born - "let's adopt."
I know her smile from a mile away. And I know, though I try not
to notice, her scowls when I talk during chapel, or hand the hymnal
to my neighbor with it opened to the hymn "Pass it On."
I believe God had a hand in our meeting in Miss Bosico's New
Testament discussion class three years ago this week. Which by itself,
is a strong argument for general education requirements. How else
are journalism students supposed to meet the babes in the nursing
department? Besides, getting a nasty paper cut, or getting shell-shocked
from all the red ink.
I'm also glad that she invited me to the battle of the bands.
And that I swallowed my pride and fiscal responsibility and asked
her out to the 50 cent showing of "The Lion King."
God had a hand in it, but a lot of it was up to us. I could have
ignored Tamara while I pursued my "dream" person.
Thankfully I made the right choice in pursuing Tamara. I did,
however, make the wrong choice by telling her of my thoughts regarding
the matter. I told her that she was my realistic choice, and that
my ex-girlfriend was my romantic choice. I have not been able to
live down this faux-pas and will probably take this misstep to my
grave. What I meant by the observation is that Tamara was perfect
for me, while this other girl was a mirage. And that I was thankful
that God led me to the real one. Needless to say, that's not what
she heard.
Of course, that is one of the really nice things about being
in love. You can say stupid things and live to tell about it.
Which reminds me of how she loves to share here embarrassing
moments. Most people, when they experience embarrassment, bury the
event and try to forget it. Tamara does this by telling everyone
about it... multiple times.
I didn't write all of this so that I could gain brownie points
(if anything she will be so embarrassed that I will be in the dog
house for weeks), or fill up space (okay, well kind of), or write
an article that is timely.
I write this because it is what I know (and to embarrass Tamara).
They say you should write about what you know, so I have. I also
hope that in some small way it can encourage those who feel like
the boy or girl in the photos above. Awkward. Lonely. Different.
Unlovable. There is someone out there that you will love and that
will love you, and I'm not just talking about God.
Such a relationship will take effort, anxiety, hard work and
the occasional foot in the mouth, but it is worth it believe me.
And if it is really your desire it will happen. How do I know? For
the same reasons I know God is love, Tamara loves me and I love
Tamara.
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