Cocoa Beach Bods

Written January 29, 2023 on the sands of Cocoa Beach, Florida.
by Philip Pfanstiel

Sitting on a lime green beach towel on the the world famous Cocoa Beach (though I had no idea or care for where it was or why it was famous).

Watching a conveyor of humanity pass in front of me in the surf.  Old, young, a spectrum in between.  Parents, children, grandparents.  Built jocks, statuesque beauties, and the rest of us … less than.  Wanting to be one and have a lover who is the other.

Decades. The numbers on my license haunt me.  Companies make billions suggesting their products can make one feel, look, act or pull younger.  Pushing off the spectre of our mortality.  Our finiteness.  Our end.

And yet, like with any problem, are we asking the wrong question? If so, what should we be asking?

Most of the answers I’ve sought prove unfulfilling.  Our lottery mentality is proven wrong not when we lose, but when we win.

The breakthroughs we wished for prove incomplete.  More money, fame, influence, adoration, health, things … leave us with the billionaires’ lament, “all I need is a little more.”

So what if God extended us all by 10, 20 … a 100 years.  Reversed aging (while keeping the wisdom, experiences, and relationships that age brings) and restoring our youth?  Would that solve it?  Would we finally be happy?  At rest? Complete?

What if God extended everyone’s life by 200 years?  Would our searching and striving find a contented peace?

And yet it was God who reduced man’s lifespan from 900 to 120 and then to 70/80.

Was there a grace in this concentration of life?  The hundreds of years it took for Adam and his descendants to transition from their prime to middle-aged years was apparently … too slow.

Now, we strive for an education, then work, family, advancement, and some even to fulfill their purpose – when we look up one day to discover our hair, face, abs, energy (you name it) have served us divorce papers.

And it’s gonna be a contentious parting.

I don’t know what the answer is.  But maybe it’s found in the surf, the seagulls, the sun, sound, and foam of the wind-tossed waves.

The young boy playing kickball with his older brother.  The friends fellowshipping, the families building sand castles, the lovers flirting awkwardly in the waves, the elderly walking the shores recounting a fond childhood spent at the beach.  The writer pecking away at his iPhone instead of body surfing (which to his credit he did before he went all melancholy).

Maybe the answer is the source and Creator of these and a million things bright and beautiful.

If the suddenness of life’s transitions has a saving grace it may be just that.  The suddenness … the inability to construct a permanent happiness in this life … the want for the next thing that is always out of reach

…  numbering out days is harsh but in this harshness just maybe we will turn to the Creator of eternity who promises that this life is just the trailer for the epic adventure that He wants to have with us.

Maybe that’s a trite conclusion, true.  While running the never satisfied wheel until our demise is an option, a better choice may be to look to the hand that put the wheel (aging in this case) in play and see if that shadow proves the sunshine of an ageless utopia that awaits all who choose a relationship with him instead of one with the mirror.

It may be foolish to give what we cannot keep … we may be waiting for the river card to justify our wager … but what if we’re right and it’s the only way to beat the house.

That’s cuckoo … er … cocoa but sounds ‘bout right.

An Ode to Parting (a hidden blessing)

by Philip Pfanstiel

Tomorrow my ex-wife is going to remarry.

I hadn’t really considered writing my thoughts on this until this afternoon (when I was at the park where I proposed 25 years ago). And in truth, this is the only day I could write this article. Otherwise, I would have had to change the first word. 🙂

Years ago I shared my thoughts on divorce and the little tea (drama) that I felt appropriate to share (I sent my ex a link to the article at the time to get her feedback and make sure it was as fair as possible).

Suffice it to say I won’t be sharing anything dramatic today. Aside from close friends and family (we all need a small support network – making it too large is just plain gossip) I have seen no reason to share any details of the divorce (other than what I shared previously about us going in different directions).

The question I want to explore today is more general: how can two people of God separate?

It seems to me that our modern world always wants a hero/heroine and a villain/villainess. Someone is good, the other evil. One right, the other wrong. Us vs. them. There is an interesting story hidden in the New Testament that turns this narrative upside down.

Paul and Barnabas separated, and it wasn’t pretty.

The basic story that has been pieced together by verses in Acts and Paul’s writings, as well as early church history, is this…

Paul and Barnabas were both men of God. They were called to evangelize the Gentiles and commissioned as Apostles by the church in Antioch. In fact, Barnabas is the one who sought Paul out and gave him credibility (Acts 11:25).

They went on their first journey together (Acts 11-14) but before their 2nd journey, they had a falling out (Acts 15:36-41). John Mark, a younger disciple, had started the 1st journey with them but had left somewhere in the middle.

Paul did not like this and refused to take John Mark on the next journey (understandable). Barnabas wanted to give John Mark grace and a 2nd chance (also understandable). They ended up parting ways because of this. Paul would connect with Silas, Luke, and others on his 2nd and 3rd journeys.

If this is all we knew we could say Paul was right, Barnabas was wrong, and have our narrative boxes checked. We knew who to root for, who to unfriend, and who to write out of the New Testament narrative.

But… God sees things differently because while He was with Paul, He was also with Barnabas and John Mark. In fact on the journey with Barnabas, John Mark reconnected with Peter and would eventually pen the gospel of Mark (which was written by John Mark based on Peter’s recollections). The Gospel of Mark was used by both Matthew and Luke in writing their gospels (collectively these three are called the synoptic gospels).

To review: two apostles and men of God had a falling out, but God remained with each of them, blessed their work and their division ended with a multiplication (Paul’s epistles and the synoptic gospels).

Brief tea: I didn’t want the divorce. I still don’t think it was the right move, but I’m at peace with the separation and divorce and pray for blessings over tomorrow’s marriage. I want only the best for my ex-wife and her new husband. My hope is that our division would end in multiplication.

Don’t get me wrong, I routinely encourage people NOT to divorce. And reconciliation is something that we are called to by God (II Corinthians 5:18) but when partings happen (and they happened even to the early Apostles, much less the rest of us) we don’t need to pick sides. But if we have to, let’s choose God’s side who will work all things for the good (Romans 8:28), and pray for blessings (which is a no-brainer since we reap what we sow and I no like cursings).

In reviewing Paul and Barnabas you can see how they were both right (and were BOTH proven correct) in how they viewed John Mark.

Reminds me of the time God had me give a word of correction to a whole church (BTW I did NOT want to do it, but it had to be said – Hebrews 12:6-7) and encouraged them to not give up but to stay faithful and see God move (they had decided to close the church). I used the illustration of what would have happened if the Apostles in the upper room had quit on day 9 (the 10th day is when the Holy Spirit fell – Acts 2). The person speaking after me had a word of grace and blessing.

Who was right? I believe we both were and while I had to give the word of correction (because God loved everyone there), the word of grace was also true in that God would be with each person there despite the parting.

Looking at the docks on the pond where I proposed I have no regrets for proposing. In fact, people had warned us to wait (and were proven prophetic) but we didn’t and God gave us grace and blessed our journey anyway.

I’m glad I proposed. Married. Spent 3 years dating in college, 17 years married. Had six children (4 of which are in this picture). The relationship saw many great experiences, learning opportunities (i.e. bad experiences), ideas exchanged (sometimes heatedly :), and people impacted for good. The truth is every relationship will end on this side of heaven. But that doesn’t mean it’s a failure or that God can’t or didn’t use it.

I was not at the park alone. I was there with my youngest daughter and though the path with my 1st wife (her mother) had parted I suspect that neither Paul nor Barnabas regretted the years together and the people they had touched. Neither do I.

The Grift of the Magi

By Philip Pfanstiel
copyright 2022
(#1 in a series of at least 13 articles exploring the enigma of the 10 Lost Tribes of Israel)

There is a fascinating, if not enigmatic story, in the 2nd Chapter of the book of Matthew.  This story, in all its misunderstood ways, has become a key element of the Christmas or Nativity story: the visit by the three wise men and their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for the baby Jesus.

   Actually, it may be more of a cypher that opens up the hundreds of unfulfilled prophecies in the Bible, highlights the faithfulness of God, and reveals the identity and location of the 10 Lost Tribes of Israel.  Biblically speaking these tribes, led by the two Birthright tribes of Joseph (Ephraim and Manasseh) were known as the House of Israel.

   The picture the pieces paint in this article is largely circumstantial.  But as we’ll see here, and in the future, the circumstantial evidence becomes overwhelming and is joined by more substantial evidence once the frame is in place. In much the same way that rebar holds and provides structure to concrete.

Who, how many and from where did the wise men (magi) come?

Why did they come?  Is there more to their visit than some well-dressed and generous religious pilgrims?

Why were Herod and Jerusalem “disturbed” by the visit?

If he was so offended why didn’t Herod put these men to death then and there?  And why did he wait and then murder babies who presented him no real threat?

As he grew and matured did Jesus ever go back, or express a desire to visit and evangelize the Magi and the people they represented?

Is there more to this story than meets the eye?

Matthew 2 NIV – The Magi Visit the Messiah

1 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem 2 and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

3 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born.

5 “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

6 “‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

7 Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. 8 He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

16 When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi.

Who, how many and from where?

   To begin this unboxing the first thing to note from the passage is that it never says “three” wise men or magi.   There is reason to suspect, starting with Herod’s reaction in verse 3, that this was a much larger caravan.

   It does say that three types of gifts were brought but it never states the quantity or volume of these gifts.  If it was a larger caravan then the value of these gifts would go up accordingly.

   So where did they come from?  We are only given two hints but they work well at locating their place of origin.  “Magi from the east came to Jerusalem…”  The east gives us the general direction but the term “Magi” is “magos” in Greek and is of Persian origin.  When you get to Persia at this time in history it is ruled by a confederacy known as Parthia.

Much could be written about the “star” that they followed but it most likely was an alignment of stars (see Revelations 12:1) and yet had supernatural elements (Matthew 2:9). For now we’ll stay focused on the from where and who the Magi were.

Parthian Shot

   As you delve into Parthia and its government you find that Parthia had a triumvirate system of government.  These three branches were the king, nobles, and Magi.  These branches have an uncanny resemblance to the modern US government: king (executive), nobles (represent the people) and magi (judges or wise men).

   When there was a vacancy in Parthia the next king was chosen from a pool of candidates by the nobles and magi.  Kings of Parthia would take on the title of Arsaces after the first ruler, Arsaces I.  This is similar to Caesars in Rome who all took their title from Julius Caesar.

   As to the number in the caravan, there are accounts by the Chinese, Josephus and others that made mention of Parthian caravan numbering between 10 to 20 thousand horsemen and dromedaries (camels). There is reason to believe this caravan would have been of similar numbers.

   So a group of judges (magi) exit Parthia and travel into the Roman Empire for reasons we’ll explore shortly.  The conflicts between Parthia and Rome are complicated but suffice to say they fought a lot and were well-matched.  When Rome would invade Parthia (Rome being Rome), Parthia would retreat, draw up soldiers (since it was a confederacy it didn’t have a large standing army), and defeat Rome (Parthia being Parthia) or push them back to the Euphrates (which acted for much of their shared history as the border between these behemoths).

   The most recent conflict lasted 15 years and ended when Herod was put into power of Judea.  So now Rome’s enemy (they were currently in a state of anxious peace) shows up with treasures, thousands of armed guards all escorting a contingent of magi or Parthian judges and asks about a newborn king of the Jews (the people Herod was put in charge of).

   There was a reason that Herod and Jerusalem were in an uproar (verse 3).  Herod’s job was to keep the peace in Judea and keep the peace with Parthia.  Now he was in a situation where both of these were in serious danger of being upset.

   Speaking of the previous conflict if you ever watched Spartacus with Kirk Douglas and were left simmering by the villain’s apparent triumph at the end I now give you resolution.

   Crassus, the Roman leader and “richest man in Rome,” put down the Spartacus revolt and crucified 6,000 slaves who were captured.

   Before I give you absolution, just recall how much of a bad guy (this being a religious article I’ll refrain from profanities) Crassus was.

   Well in 53 BC, less than 20 years after the revolt was suppressed in 71 BC, Crassus led an army of 40,000 into Parthia to gather more fame.  Instead his army was surrounded by 10,000 Parthia cavalry (mostly horse archers), hounded, and eventually slaughtered (20,000 dead, 10,000 captured) becoming one of the worse and most lopsided Roman military defeats in history.

   And did this get Crassus ahead in life?  No, but the Parthian’s got both his head and that of his son.

   Absolution granted.

   Another aside that I find fascinating, the 10,000 men that Parthia captured … while Rome would have killed, crucified or enslaved them, Parthia moved them to an eastern region, gave them wives and had them become loyal subjects.

   There is a different spirit in this Parthian empire and for good reason.

Why did the Parthian Magi come to look for the newborn Jewish king?

   In a future article, I’ll follow the exile of the House of Israel (the 10 tribes led by the Birthright tribes of Ephraim and Manasseh) both east and north and their journey from 720 BC onward. The eastern refugees regrouped around one of their tribes, the Parni, in the same region where Ephraim had been exiled by Assyria.   For now suffice it to say that there is considerable evidence that Parthia was founded by elements from Ephraim with help from Manasseh (who were known as Saka or Scythians at this point in history).

   Another strand I’ll develop is that not only were these tribes exerting power, and staying allies (for the most part) but they heeded the prophets.

   Especially Jeremiah who wrote to them around 640 BC with a message in Jeremiah 3:11-12

“And the LORD said to me, “Faithless Israel has shown herself more righteous than unfaithful Judah. 12 Go, proclaim this message toward the north:

‘Return, O faithless Israel,’ declares the LORD.

‘I will no longer look on you with anger,

for I am merciful,’ declares the LORD.

‘I will not be angry forever.”

   The odd thing about this prophecy written during the reign of Josiah is that it was written 80 AFTER the fall of Samaria in 720 BC, and YET it says “proclaim this message to toward the North.”  God wasn’t speaking to the wind.  He was speaking to remnants of the House of Israel who resided at this time to the north of Judah (but not in the Promised Land).  Many researchers believe that Manasseh and other tribes had escaped through the Caucus mountains and lived north of the Black Sea and became the Saka or Scythians.

   The inhabitants of Samaria, mainly Ephraimites, were exiled east where they joined other tribes that had been removed by the Assyrians 20 years earlier.

   So the tribes, now out of the land, were still listening to the prophets (“still” in that while many in the House of Israel were faithless, there had always been a remnant that had listened – i.e. 7,000 that had not bowed to Baal in the days of Elijah).

Son of David Rule Over House of Israel

   Then Jeremiah gives another prophecy that these tribes heard in their exile in Jeremiah 33:17

“For thus says the LORD: David shall never lack a man to sit on the throne of the house of Israel,”

   Two curious things about this prophecy.  1st the House of Israel was in exile at the time of this writing.  2nd David’s dynasty ruled over the House of Judah (which included Benjamin and most Levites) not the House of Israel.   I’ll explore this in another article but it is pertinent now as it may explain the motivation of the Magi.

   It has been suggested by Steven M. Collins and other researchers that these exiled tribes heard this and other prophecies and even in their exile some tried to follow the ways of Yahweh.

   Then when the tribes were released from Assyrian captivity by Persia, and carved out their own empire from the faltering Seleucids, they couldn’t decide on who would lead them (since there were a number of powerful noble clans in the Parthian and Saka confederacy).  It is at this point Collins and others suggest that they turned to the Exilarch.

An Aside – Judah Avenger: The Seleucid king, Antiochus Epiphanes IV who instigated the Maccabean Revolt (from where we get Hanukah or the Feast of Dedication) in 167 BC, died while on campaign against the rebels to the east – The Parthians.  This is another article in the series that will highlight the many times in history that the Birthright Tribes (House of Israel) act as the Avengers of Judah.

   The Dynasty of David (yes, you guessed it – another article) is the most biblically and historically documented dynasty in history and for good reason (Jeremiah 33:17) as its survival and reign is proof of God’s covenant with His servant David (2 Samuel 7).

   Were there any documented descendants in the east (Babylon or Persia) for the Parthians to choose from?

   Short answer: yes.  King Jeconiah was taken into captivity by Babylon but released 37 years later, given his freedom and had many children (II Kings 25:27-30, 2 Chronicles 3:17).  These children were in the east, well known, and would have provided a documented pool of David’s descendants from which Parthian kings were drawn.

   Interestingly this family reappeared after the Parthian Empire fell and is known as the Exilarch in the Jewish community that remained in Sassanid and Arab ruled Persia up until the 12th century AD.

Power in the Names

   “… through Isaac shall your offspring be named.”

   All this is great but one of the most intriguing threads through history has been language and names.

   God prophecies to Abraham that through Isaac should the children of promise be named (Genesis 21:12, Hebrews 11:18).  Later Jacob / Israel is also added (Genesis 48).

   The Parthian dynasty was called the Arsacid and as mentioned their kingly title was Arsaces.

   In Hebrew the vowels are dropped when the language is written and added back in when read.  So Isaac would be written as SC in English.  We’d add the “I” and “aa” back in when reading.

   Over time this convention would lead to such words as Yitzak (Hebrew for Isaac) changing but what would remain the same is the SC, SK, ZK or SX combo.

   And arSaCid contains SC and in order.  Circumstantial but you’ll see this pattern show up a lot throughout history including with their allies the SaKa or Scythians (a Roman word – they called themselves the Saka).  We’ll see this convention in future articles as well when we explore the migrations of the House of Israel.

   Back to Parthia another interesting connection is that a popular king name was Pharaates.  This very well could connect back to the clan of Judah that David was from – Pherez.

Davidic Curse

   Sadly another way we can trace the Davidic Dynasty is through the curse David brought on his family by committing adultery with Bathsheba and killing her husband Uriah to cover it up.

   Nathan, who had just five chapters earlier proclaimed the eternal Davidic dynasty, now pronounces a curse that will plague David’s descendants; “the sword would not depart from his house.” (2 Samuel 12:10). 

   A look at the Parthian dynasty reveals constant fratricide, civil conflicts and palace intrigue and betrayal.  In fact this happened in 38 BC when the new king slaughtered any blood rival he could get his hands on. 

   To ensure the continuation of the dynastic line the Magi and Nobles (collectively known as the Megisthanes) would send potential kings to safety in Rome or Armenia – outside of their own borders for their protection.

   They also kept track of any descendant of David that would have proper claim to the throne of Parthia.

Enter the baby born King of the Jews

   It was not happenstance that the Magi saw the star in the east.  This very well could have been some lost teachings that Daniel (who wrote many messianic prophecies including the triumphal entry that Jesus fulfilled when he road into Jerusalem on a colt on Palm Sunday) passed down to the Magi during Persian rule that made its way to the Parthian Magi.

   So they were keeping track of David’s descendants and watching the stars per Daniel’s instructions.

Jesus called to the House of Israel

He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” – Matthew 15:25

   Judah at the time of Jesus remembered Parthia’s brief rule in 40-37 BC and heard about the greener grass on the other side of the Euphrates.  Combine this with the fact that the Jews knew Parthia was the home of the House of Israel.  Josephus confirms this when he wrote in Antiquities 11:133.  “There are but two tribes in Asia and Europe subject to the Romans, while the ten tribes are beyond Euphrates till now, and are an immense multitude, and not to be estimated by numbers.”

   This was written around 94 AD and states that at that time (“now”) the 10 tribes were an immense multitude and on the other side (Parthia) of the Euphrates.

Jesus, from the house of Judah, frequently spoke of Israel and the house of Israel. He also lived before Josephus so Parthia’s connection to Israel was well known.

   Which made the Magi visit at his birth not something only Jesus would know, but something many others remembered and discussed as well.

   So as he grew in wisdom, stature, and popularity the Jewish desire to make him king … of Parthia was very realistic.  Not only was Parthia RIGHT there, but them being separated Israelite brethren that had David’s descendants as their king, combined with their recent rule (though brief) and a military on par with Rome made the desire to unite with them against Rome a no-brainer.

   So when Jesus, a descendant of David and righteous rabbi, came on the scene it puts Judas and others’ attempts to have Jesus made king of Parthia (the house of Israel) into a more realistic and plausible context.

Summary

   If all these pieces are accurate the following narrative could explain the visit of the Magi.

   The House of Israel had relocated and established the Parthia Empire.  Heeding the prophet Jeremiah they established a kingship built on the Davidic Dynasty.  To ensure a smooth continuation they kept track of David’s descendants both inside and outside of Parthia.

   They were Magi after all (the word from where we get magician) and considered the stars and signs in the heavens quite possibly due to Daniel’s teachings.

   The gifts they brought provided for Jesus at birth, his sojourn in Egypt and quite possibly throughout his life (from 12 to 30) and journeys to Parthia, Wales, Ireland and beyond.  And yes, that is another article.  Until then … Shalom.

The Nigerian Princess Dating Technique Revisited

Begun Sept 2, 2022
by Philip Pfanstiel

Today is the anniversary (Sept 2nd) of the hardest day of my life (ominous music plays) … so far. It was on this day, years ago, that I briefly considered what my body would look like as a pancake. Fortunately, I’m more of a waffle man and I had family and friends who encouraged me NOT to fly … so the sidewalk was saved.

A year after this event I had my first (resolute music) … and only kidney stone.

When the 2nd anniversary came around I hid in a bunker … and that’s where I’ve gone each Sept 2nd.

Until the bunker was repossessed with me in it which was not something I was prepared for.

IRL it was my car that was repossessed in what I’ve come to call a testimony upgrade. BTW God provided the resources at the time and even prompted me to make a payment on my car but I paid a different, very important, bill instead. So while my car was being jacked from my driveway I could at least watch some games on my DVR. I quickly got my trustee steed Shadowki-a back and now she’s paid off and all mine, but the experience was surreal.

I told a friend about my car being repossessed and he advised me never to talk about these low points as they made me look bad.

I have a few strengths but the one I’m most proud of is that I don’t mind looking bad. Being honest. Vulnerable. Embracing the awkward suck. And then crack jokes about it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it, but once I’m through it I find joy in it as AJR sings “a hundred bad days make a hundred good stories…”.

Disclaimer: I’ve always written from my own life experiences. This has become more complicated as I’ve had more experiences and relationships that end for different reasons. So nothing I write is meant to attack, offend or be passive-aggressive toward tow truck drivers and others who have blessed me with these good stories.

In fact, the person that has blessed me the most with good stories is the ghost that hangs out in my mirror. “Darn, you pilihP!!!” But whenever I say that he takes it as a compliment. Odd.

Anyway, so I’m single. With my errant sense of humor, you’d think … well, you’re right.

Anyway squared. So I wrote a blog shortly after my divorce (hum… can I divorce “my divorce” and just say “the” divorce since I have no intention of having multiples?) This blog was called Nigerian Princess something.

I forget exactly what I wrote or what I called it. I did find a backup file (I accidentally deleted my website – yeah! another upgrade!) and after rereading realized it was pretty bad and better off staying a backup.

But I am going to talk about what I remember and what God and my mental process (I’m trying to get them to play nice – but they’re both incredibly stubborn) have come up with.

Be myself. Embrace who I am while also focusing on becoming the best version of myself. Self-improvement is a worthy goal, if done for the right reasons and if the end result is still me. If I become someone I’m not, the amount of work needed to stay that person is inconceivable and unsustainable.

I’d like to find someone where there is a mutual attraction, interest, calling, personality mesh, heart, crazy side, etc… who accepts and loves me for who I am and vice versa. Then I look in the mirror and remember all my bad days and feel damaged. Not worthy. The truly sad thing about someone being damaged (divorced, single parent, trauma survivor, financially tight, physically ill, socially awkward, poor choices, addictions, etc. …) is that if we choose to see ourselves as damaged then that’s how we’ll present ourselves. And it becomes a self-fulfilling and self-perpetuating cycle.

The youngins nowadays call it “pulling.” As in “what kind of person can you pull?” If you are a six can you pull an eight? Admittedly this tends to be on the looks metric, but can also be applied to financial, social, spiritual, etc… This is why some people that society might say are 7-9s hook up with people in the negative range – because that’s how they see themselves.

The beauty of the classic Nigerian Prince Scam is that only the most gullible will respond. They opt-in and are rewarded with a cleaned-out bank account. The scammer doesn’t waste a lot of time sorting through all those with an ounce of skepticism. The most gullible present themselves for their fleecing.

The metaphor breaks down (though I do clean, bake and wash windows) but it seems so many single people are putting on a facade and trying to get everyone to like them. Trying to pull someone “better” than them. Then from this pool of potentially millions, they have to sort through and hopefully find their soul mate. I know the whole soul mate thing is a medieval literary invention but the idea of living life with someone that gets you and you get them and you both feel you got the better deal – this is what I want. I suspect this is what most people want. If I am ever asked to give marriage advice (which oddly, I am not), I’d say the best marriage is where both people think they are getting the better deal.

What if you, me, we … What if we leaned into being who we truly, authentically are? Warts, repossessed cars, unique laughs, odious oddities, damaged goods, quarks, and quandaries? Sure, this will limit the number of people that pretend to like us. But would that be a bad thing? I feel sorry (not super sorry TBH) for attractive people. So many people are attracted to them based solely on looks that finding that soul mate that gets them for who they really are is next to impossible.

I shall count my blessings instead of sheep I suppose – because I at least have a chance. People don’t tend to be drawn to me for the wrong reasons.

I remember when Lyle Lovett married Julia Roberts back in the early 90s. A classic 3 pulling a 9 (BTW there are no 10s, the people that think they are, are demoted below fives in my book). Trying to live up to the social expectations of others seems to be a guaranteed way to live a miserable life.

The romantic in me wants to believe that they might have had a chance at being happy and living a fulfilling life together … if they could have ignored everyone else and been themselves.

I don’t know what ended their relationship but I’m hard pressed to think of any 8 or 9s that have found a true, lasting, and deep relationship with other 8s and 9s.

What if we (me) could find a way to embrace and be comfortable in our own skin and with our own idiosyncrasies? Maybe we’ll find that the people who opt-in to our lives are the opposite of scammers – they are royalty in disguise.

And the resulting genuine, vulnerable, and honest relationship brings out the prince & princess in both of them.

Good stories can come from good days too I’m told.

“God will give His people 20/20 vision in 2020”

By Philip Pfanstiel
December 24, 2020

“God will give His people 20/20 vision in 2020”

That was the prophetic utterance that I heard from a number of people a year ago as 2019 came to a close.  My first thought was somewhat dismissive – “nice ambiguous play on words.  Sounded like a Christian fortune cookie message.”

But that is exactly what has happened in 2020.  We’ve been given clarity on so many things this year.  First was how I need to be more open to things outside my wheelhouse (comfort zone).

What are we afraid of?  What would we surrender in order to feel safer?  Do we understand science?  Or do we pretend and mimic whatever the “experts” say?  How many messages have we heard about social distancing, wearing masks and washing hands versus how to build our immune system?

How much can power corrupt?  Do we live in an actual democratic-republic?  Do our votes and voices matter?  Who will fight for us?  Will we fight for ourselves?  Will our leaders live by the same rules they force us to endure?  Will we hold them accountable?  Are we essential?  How valued is education?  How exactly does toilet paper protect us from a respiratory virus? 

All of these and many more things have been answered this year.  Wowza!  20/20 Vision in 2020!  Yes, indeed.

As the year comes to a close I see a lot of people that can’t wait until the New Year.  I think Betty White has 24-hour armed security and medical staff at this point – something every American agrees on.

The problem with the eagerness to put this year behind us is, are we also putting behind us the clarity that this year gave us?

Will we return to the pan of water that got turned up a little too quick?  Will we close our eyes and go back to sleep in the snow?  Or will we take the clarity, revelations and wakeup call that this year has been and act upon it?

What will we do about this election?  If we saw something wrong (I sure did) what will we do about it?

The story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead scares me.  The miracle gave EVERYONE present that day the clarity that they needed to make the correct decision.  History may repeat the decisions that were made that day in the coming year of 2021. 

“Many of the Jews therefore, who had come with Mary and had seen what he did, believed in him, but some of them went to the Pharisees and told them what Jesus had done. … So from that day on they made plans to put him to death.” – John 11:45, 46, 53

One group believed in him and the other group made plans to kill him.

20/20 Vision is both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing in that we now have the information we need to make the proper decision.  But the decision is still ours and I believe that 2021 will reveal a stark division in the decisions that people will make based on the clarity this year gave us.

In other words, 2021 will be a year of decision.  God has promised and spoken through His prophets that there would be a massive revival in the days ahead.  Some have termed it the 3rd Great Awakening and I’ve seen hints of it.  The authentic and powerful praise and worship times that have sprung up in Chicago, New Orleans and even in Tulsa are a hint of a coming revival.  I was at a Bethel concert in Tulsa a few weeks back and my heart was stirred with hope.

The reaction from many in Tulsa (and around America) confounded me; “how unwise, inprudent, foolish. Don’t you know we’re in a pandemic?”  The resulting canceling of singers, ministers and churches I found to be very revealing.  Clarity can be a nasty pill.

“You mean ‘the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus?’  Yes, we are in a pandemic and the best cure is repentance and crying out to God.  So, what again is the problem with young people crying out to God?”

As for the prophecied revival: The sign that God’s prophets have spoken faithfully the Words that He has given them will be revealed this January (feel free to peruse through my Facebook feed if you’ve been in a coma since October).

My personal warning (not prophetic, just advice) is don’t get comfortable.  Wake up, get ready and do what God shows you to do.  Trying to go back to sleep after you hear the fire alarms is … next level stupid.

Unity in Nonconformity

By Philip Pfanstiel
December 20, 2020

“May they be one, even as you and I are one.” – This is how I remember the verse.

“That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” – John 17:21 KJV

          Unity?  What does it mean?  It seems to suggest “universal, united, no disagreements, conformity, peace, and no conflict.”

          But what if, here’s me being my contrarian self, it means the opposite … nationalist, divided, arguments, non-conformity, friction, and conflicts?

          Or, like a good healthy argument with friends the truth may be somewhere in the middle … but I’m going to argue the extreme because it’s more fun and contrasty.

          My religious upbringing was diverse and has continued in this vein throughout my life.  I grew up nondenominational Charismatic with a strong dose of the “Faith movement” in Tulsa, Oklahoma sprinkled in.  I was raised by a former Presbyterian and a former Lutheran who came to Christ in the Jesus movement of the early 70s.  Attended a Baptist youth group and fundamentalist homeschooling program for years.  I was married (17 years) to a Methodist (where all our children were baptized) who converted to Catholicism – so I’m familiar with the structures of Methodism and Catholicism.  I’ve been to Islamic mosques, Jewish synagogues and Hindu temples as a visitor.

          We tend to default to how we were raised so I’m most comfortable in a nondenominational church (as long as the sermon is under two hours) with fog machines, loud music, energetic sermons and lots of tongue … praying in tongues that is.  We don’t play that game … make room for the Holy Spirit is part of our statement of faith.

          I’m always intrigued by the chasm in between well meaning, earnest and learned men and women.  For instance, is communion merely symbolic or actually the blood and body of Jesus?  Is salvation by faith alone, or do we have to work for it?  Which church is the “right” one?  Baptism is it infant, adult, near drowing or by water gun?

          The answer I’ve come to is a “Yes, AND …” Could they BOTH be right?  Or ALL be right (it’s rarely just two positions).

          Going sideways for a second like any good rabbit trail …

          Organic, living things seem to focus on internal structures (DNA, cells) and mechanisms (homeostasis, photo and protein synthesis, systems, etc.…) and these structures and mechanisms provide remarkable consistency for the incredibly diverse, complicated and resilient living organisms on our planet.

          Whether it is humans, birds, trees or mushrooms the internal structure (DNA, cells, etc…) is solid but the resulting external expression is VERY diverse.

          In comparison artificial, manufactured things focus on external conformity.

          One of the more legalistic organizations I was in, loved everyone to look “right.”  Clean shaven men in suits, long haired women in dresses.  I heard this joke from this group numerous times, “man looks on the outside, but God looks on the heart … BUT MAN LOOKS ON THE OUTSIDE” (so focus on appearance because mankind is watching).

          BTW I learned A TON and was blessed by my time and exposure to much of the organizations teachings and principles – it also gave me the first opportunity to “eat the hay and spit out the sticks.”  I had to develop discernment and test ideas.  This is not a critique or a rejection of everything they taught me, more of an observation about an area where I think they missed it.

          Internal character and motivation (beneath the façade) is assumed to be there because everyone “looks” right so they MUST be right.

          This control over the external I’ve seen manifested in a hundred different preferences; music, tattoos, culture, hair, dress, language, etc.…

          That’s why the Word from God that Pastor Paul Brady shared hit home with me, “Don’t let your preferences become an enemy to me.”  Eureka moment. 

          God looks on the inside.  In fact, that is what He really cares about (I Samuel 16:7).  The external will be the fruit of the internal but what that looks like is a co-creating process between each of us and the Holy Spirit inside of us.  In other words, we’re going to look different.  Behave different.  Have different tastes and preferences.

          And God likes it that way. 

          Cults have always fascinated me.  I don’t think I was in one, but it got pretty close (“you don’t know you’re deceived, until you’re not” – RSL 1984, Newsboys).  Cults, like tumors, take healthy processes too far. 

          Cancer cells take mitosis and kick it into overdrive.  Cults take preferences and hook them up to gallons of shame, control and condemnation.  And while the growth seems healthy, the ensuing rot and death … not so much.

          Returning to nature, there is despite, or maybe because of this diversity, a unique unity that expresses itself.  If you ever watch a flight of geese, a flock in the thousands of starlings or a school of sardines there is something mesmerizing about the order that arises from what should be utter chaos.

          Similarly snowflakes, trees and flowers all have internal conformity but the physical expression of each is unique.

        Meanwhile in our modern world we’ve embraced the uniformity that mechanization provides and our focus on the external (saying the right things, virtue signaling [which has been going on since the days of Puritans], or presenting the proper façade).  Could this focus on the external be conditioning us for the one world government – the largest cult the world will ever know?

          Cult, BTW, is short for life (CULTure) … It’s a truncated version of life that leaves off “ure … you are.”  God is I am.  He has created us in His image … we are.  The expression of our uniqueness is not an inconvenience but an essential part of our design and purpose.  Admittedly this is a play on words and spelling but … I have no editor so I’m leaving it in (me just being me).

          In my life as a parent, divorce forced me into a situation where I couldn’t control my kids.  Still can’t.  Logistically, I am and will always be part of their lives but I can’t micromanage them. All I can do is lead by example (including repenting and making things right when I fail), train and impart when we’re together and release them to walk things out while always being there in prayer and to help as needed.

          The irony is that I NEVER could control them (though I thought if I tried hard enough I could ensure the “right” outcome).  In fact the 15 years of marriage with kids (we were married two years before our oldest was born) I thought I could and the resulting frustration, anger, and lack of contentment contributed to the failure of the marriage.

          This is what I’ve learned over this process.

  • What if we focus on the internal and let the external be what it is?
  • If we focused on loving Jesus, loving our kids, loving others and less about the result?  Isn’t that God’s job?
  • If we focus more on what God sees and considers valuable and less on what we think makes us look good?
  • What if we allow the Holy Spirit’s unique work in each of us freedom to operate?

          “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1 (ESV)

          I’m a terrible salesmen.  Or at least a terrible “Hard Seller.”  As a teacher all I do is “Soft Sell” ideas, concepts, advice, approaches, truths and a love of learning.  The difference between these two is fascinating.  Hard Sell is what pushy salesmen, telemarketers, scammers and the like will do to get you to buy NOW.  The problem is that these rushed or forced decisions usually lead to buyer’s remorse, regrets and a terrible taste toward that business or person.  This is one of my gripes with using Hell to sell the gospel (see Killing Hell).

          It is my opinion that Jesus was a Soft Sell.  He didn’t lie or bury the lead but he didn’t pressure people.  He’d call, invite, teach and lead … but the freedom, option was there for them to follow, not follow, ghost him or even resist.  The interesting thing is 11 of the 12 disciples (John being the only one to die of old age) went to their death as martyrs instead of forsaking the Truth they embraced.  While it takes longer to embrace a soft sell, once embraced a soft sell is rarely forsaken or regretted.  Chuck Colson cited this phenomenon as something that led him to Christ.  You don’t die for a lie or a hard sell.  

          Paper beats rock and in nature we see all the time how plants reduce and reclaim man’s best creations.  I took this picture on a hike with my kids a few years back and have thought of it often.  Living organisms really do find a way to move from internal to the external with power.  I could try to “make” this happen and fail 100% of the time.  But a random seed found a way to plant its roots deep and bloom on top of a boulder because its “heart” (internal working) was strong.

          Might I suggest that we embrace the Holy Spirit’s work (soft sell) in our own lives, no matter how that looks to others (this will make us look odd, but should we draw back? Hebrews 10:38-39).  Then we release others to do the same.

          I’ve noticed the people most insistent on how you should live your life, are the ones not walking in their own calling or purpose.  Projection much?

          Now as per our children, we do need to train them, have expectations and the like, but there comes a time when we must release them into God’s hands for His Spirit to guide, grow and utilize them.  I’ll let you know how to do that once I figure it out.  But I know what the goal is.

          The amazing creative beauty of a redeemed world will bring a unity of creation – as long as we don’t force it.  The next time you watch a flock of birds or school of fish, remember that as long as each life is internally directed there is an ethereal symmetry that comes out of that chaos.  And in life there is something transcendent (beyond the individual organism) that manifests itself in this unity BECAUSE of each one’s external nonconformity. 

          So the next time you’re tempted to enforce some external idea on yourself or others remember that God looks on the inside.  GOD LOOKS ON THE INSIDE.  And THAT is what matters.

Optimistic Option re: Coronavirus (COVID-19)

By Philip Pfanstiel

In moments of glee its hard being the naysayer.

Today in these moments of professional naysayerdom its hard being the voice of optimism.  I won’t rehash all the coronavirus (COVID-19) news and predictions of doom and gloom.  That job is being more than filled by the news, FB, pessimists and now fashionable introverts.

Humor me, if you will, and let me present a counter, optimistic narrative:

What if the worse has ALREADY happened?

What if the Coronavirus / COVID-19 (a new / “novel” strain of the common cold) has already worked its way through America?

Like the kid happily playing on the playground with his bloody knee.  Oblivious to any pain UNTIL you point out that his knee is bloody, at which point the pain is unbearable and the theatrics unending.

Many others have pointed out that there is a good chance that the COVID19 has already worked its way through America as a new but relatively modest cold (see screenshot).

But what explains these scary, spikey numbers of “new” corona infections?

Testing Procedures

Confirmation Bias: At this point we seem to only be testing severe cases which is giving a false high mortality rate of 5-7%.  South Korea has done more exhaustive testing and their mortality rate is 0.84% – 8-10 times lower and in the range of the routine flu (which has a mortality rate of 0.1%).  This is speculation but what if once testing is developed that can test all cases (from mild to severe) AND antibodies (in those who have already recovered) we find that the mortality rate is similar (or even less than) the annual flu (which has a yearly mortality rate of 22,000-55,000).

According to the CDC, there are 370,000 to 670,000 hospitalizations every year in America for the flu and if these were our only patients tested, the 22-55k deaths would give us a mortality rate of 5.9% – 8.2%

Whereas a comprehensive testing of all those who “get” the flu reveals the much lower mortality rate of 0.1%.

Once all the data is in could this Corona Virus (COVID-19) be more in line with the previous 18 COVIDs?  Or even the seasonal flu strains? 

These are questions others may have the answer for, but I could not find: what is the protocol for testing?  Who gets tested?  Are we testing everyone, or just the severe cases?  From the limited data I’m seeing it seems we are only testing the severe current cases (which makes sense with the limited number of test – but we are taking these false highs and freaking out).

A biologist friend said what we should really be checking for is antibodies showing people have already had and recovered from COVID-19?  Do we even have a test for this yet?  It seems our priority is so focused on stopping the spread that maybe (optimistic note here) it has already spread and we missed it because it wasn’t that bad.

What if instead of just starting this exponential (and honestly scary) growth curve, we’re at or near the top and about to start the descent.  And if what we currently have is the worst that this has got, how bad is it really?

Better Safe …

The mantra response is “Better Safe than Sorry.”  Initially this is a compelling argument, but could the cure be worse than the illness?

Patient: “Doctor, I have a really bad headache.  What can I possibly do?”

Doctor: “Well, there is this pain alleviation machine invented by a French doctor … Guillotine I think is his name.  And best of all, one treatment and you’ll never feel pain again.”

Sometimes the cure is WORSE than the ailment.

Are we allowing FEAR (False Evidenced Appearing Real) to dictate and drive us into a situation where we cut off our nose to spite our face or worse?

Unintended consequences

Not to mention the long term, unintended consequences that few are considering while we race into our hastily TP’ed bunkers.

Could our social distancing, closing of schools, events, sports, travel, etc… bring about an even worse pandemic this summer and fall of depression, suicide, lost jobs, financial struggles and even a worldwide market recession or depression?

Sometimes we learn that embracing fear is not the best medicine.  “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.”  Job 3:25 (KJV)

Additionally, it is concerning to me how many knee jerk reactions the government is making recently.  In place of a well thought out and articulated plan (with supporting data) we have fallen into a looking busy by making arbitrary decisions and giving random orders.

An example of ironic overreactions, recently Colorado shut down all of its ski slopes for a week.  Of all the places where social distancing, fresh air and healthy exercise is taking place – we’re going to close the mountains during Spring Break?  So that people can be depressed alone, in the dark and indoors.  Has anyone heard of Vitamin D, fresh air, exercise?  There may have been a very scientific and methodological rationale behind this, but what it came across to me was “we don’t know what to do, so we’re going to just shoot ourselves in the foot and hopes that helps the headache.”

Common Sense Rebuttal

With my own students I explained the “flatten the curve” projections and if we are at the beginning of a pandemic then the mass hysteria and actions are appropriate.  But the fact that COVID-19 has been around since November, testing has only recently been implemented in a selected, regional and on a case by case basis, and the season where flus and cold prevail is ending should give us cause to pause and evaluate with a level head.

That being said those who are caring for the elderly, immunocompromised, or severe respiratory ailments should take the same precautions they’d take during any flu season.  All of us could use a refresher in basic hygiene and improving our immune systems – so there is some silver lining if you will.

This article is in no way meant to attack anyone, or disdain the experts but since there seem to be too many naysayers, I thought I’d be the optimistic prophet that says “the world isn’t ending, but now is always a good time to get right with God.”

Don’t Agree With Me

Obviously, this is just one person’s opinion and interpretation of the facts that I was aware of and had available.  I don’t want anyone to agree with me.  Rather, consider this optimistic narrative the next time you overdose on the doom and gloom.  Believing the worse about any situation is all too often a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As for me and my house …

Psalm 91: 1-7

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.

Hosting a hardened or hopeful heart

By Philip Pfanstiel

“So this little blog” (overheard of Tolstoy as he began writing War and Peace) has been puttering around in my brain for a few weeks now.  It involves a rather tried and proven truth we all have experienced and know too well.

“Hope defers make the heart sick.”  Proverbs 13:12

I hardly need to summon some mythic storytelling prowess to get you to imagine the disappointments, hurts, failures, and regrets that you’ve had in your life.  Maybe even this week or today.

A teaching through thread theme (aka “something I say a lot in class” but the title I just came up with makes it sound more betterish) that I’ve been sharing recently is that our perception of reality has a tremendous influence on our reality.   If you think you’re lucky, you are.  If you think you’re unlucky, you are.  If you think you’re blessed, popular, intelligent, talented and destined for success, you are.  Conversely, if you think you’re cursed, loner, stupid, talentless and on track for being an utter failure, you are.  I won’t argue the merits of this idea here but this concept dates back to Henry Ford (“If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”) and even King Solomon (“as a man thinketh in his heart so is he”).

The long and short of it is that our attitude has a huge impact on how our life turns out.  And yet when we hear “Hope defers makes the heart sick” we get out the hankies and recount every injury, injustice, inequity and iniquity.   I’ve heard this verse mentioned by preachers, prophets and various Christians a number of times recently and they all stop at “…sick.”

Please don’t stop there.  Push through.  Always be asking … What’s next?  Is there more?  What’s on the other side of this failure?  How can God turn this for the good?

The rest of the verse is the answer but too often we stop at our disappointment.  Stop at our lowest.  Stop on day 9.  If we call it a noble defeat or lost cause as the sun sets on the Sabbath then we’ll never experience the thrill of what’s next.  Sell low, buy high?  Too many Christians and believers are terrible investors as they’ll give up right before the promised reversal.

BTW What is next?  “but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”  Now, how many times have you heard that half of the verse?

To me it brings to mind the verse “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  (Psalms 37:4)

So what does this look like?  But first an epiphany of sorts.  I was going through something a few years back and I was really quite ticked off at God.  I felt that He had promised me something and then failed to deliver.  I was venting at Him and I heard “a lot of people judge Me based off incomplete knowledge.”

Boom.  Mic drop! God ain’t playin’!

I believe this was from God as it was so much deeper, profound and concise than anything I could come up with.  Plus it was gentle and He didn’t over-explain it – not that I EVER do that.

I’ve heard it said that “God’s will is what our will would be if we knew all the facts.”  I don’t know if I completely agree, but I do think when we view life on the other side of eternity our present struggles will make a lot more sense.  Why did God allow this?  Why did God do this?  Why didn’t this work?  Why didn’t He warn me?  Why?  Why? Why?  I know we all will experience this peace eventually.  In the present the approach I try to take is to look at things from 10,000 feet.  See issues more holistically and guess at how God is working all of these things for our good and the good of others.  It gives me great peace to know that God sees so much more than me and is always at work. And though my guesses are usually wrong, He more often surprises me with better answers.

A few years back I was concerned for a friend and asked a minister I knew to pray that God would open my friend’s eyes.  The minister corrected me and said that God doesn’t open people’s eyes.  They have to choose to do that.  I wanted to argue this but I think the concept is sound.  God won’t manipulate our hearts, force our eyes open or make us listen with our ears.  These are all things we must choose to do.

The information is there for either option and we get to choose.  Jesus routinely warned that unless people would open their ears to listen (and their eyes to see) they would miss out of the deliverance that was literally standing right in front of them.

This brings me to the musical accompaniment for this blog.

Petra’s “Don’t Let Your Heart Be Hardened”

I heard this song today and it unlocked a lot of these ideas that I’m now writing on.  I’ll return to this momentarily.

Needtobreathe’s “Keep Your Eyes Open”

Both great songs but the lyrics in this verse from “Keep Your Eyes” are especially relevant.

“Don’t let the night become the day
Don’t take the darkness to the grave
I know pain is just a place
The will has been broken
Don’t let the fear become the hate
Don’t take the sadness to the grave
I know the fight is on the way
When the sides have been chosen”

How do we respond to “hope deferred?”  Do we push forward in faith?  Having done all do we stand?  Do we forgive and seek forgiveness?  Do we put our hope in the Lord and “Though You slay me yet shall I praise You?”

Sadly I know all too well my own propensity (which seems to be a common thread of us frail sons of Adam and daughters of Eve) is to lash out in anger (at God or others), trade faith for “realism” and withdraw in hurt.

The problem is that this surrender to an unfulfilled hope guarantees that we won’t get to the Tree of Life on the other side of the verse.

The symbolism and promise of the Tree of Life goes back to Garden of Eden and forward to an eternal life with God.  This is not a small thing.  But what forces were at work when Adam and Eve fell?  Pride.  Lust.  Blame. Peer pressure. Hurt. Rejection. Temptation and Deceit.  They gave into it, but we have been given a way out and to the 2nd half – of a longing fulfilled.

If we give in to our hurt we tend to get more of it and out of our abundance we pass it on to others.  No sadder but truer words were ever said then “hurt people, hurt people.”  The danger of dwelling on our hurts is that we begin to close our eyes, and ears and harden our hearts until our hurts fill and consume us.  The curses and plagues that people bring on themselves when they harden their hearts prove again the power (for life and death) found in the gift of free will.

As Christians, our opposing of abortion is right and necessary.  But do we abort other gifts of life that God has entrusted to us?  Do we abort dreams, visions and callings?  Do we abort relationships when they become problematic?  We are correctly appalled at the barbarity of late-term abortions, but are we guilty of killing other gifts of God right before they are birthed?

What’s the solution?  The challenge to me (and those of you who are still with me) is to see it through. 

I had to (and am) learning to trust God.  Take Him at His Word and remove my own assumptions, conceptions and preferences.  He is not slack concerning His promises.  It is true that God’s timing is not our timing … it seems to be a lot slower until in a moment a suddenly and things flip (Joseph, Moses, resurrection).  We can’t comprehend or tell Him how He is to do things (though I don’t think He minds discussing things with us and getting our thoughts as long as we remember whose in charge).

And if we have hardened our heart … a simple prayer asking God to break our heart and help will start a process that is both terrifying and glorious.  The best example is that of Eustace in C.S. Lewis’ “Voyage of the Dawn Treader” when Aslan must cut away the scales that have turned the boy into a dragon.

When we get to this place of surrender to Him (as opposed to a surrender to circumstances – two VERY different things) then we can Stand.  And having done all, Stand.

I’ll leave with an illustration.  I’m no gymnast but I’ve gone on my share of twirling spinning rides, merry go rounds and the like.  My understanding is that your dizziness is best fixed if you will focus on one thing until everything else stops spinning.

My attempt and suggestion is that that one thing each of us focus on is the promises and calling of God that He has given to you.

Now if you don’t know what that is … ask Him and He will show you.  Just purpose in your heart to obey whatever He tells you … and don’t set a timer.

written in one sitting on August 27, 2019.

Tragedy in a Green Frame

by Philip Pfanstiel

I saw a post yesterday on the official Keith Green FB page commemorating the 37th anniversary of Keith Green’s death.

Thoughts about Keith, his music and his family have been rumbling around in my head ever since.  Then tonight doing some intensive research (I googled) I came across that Melody Green went through a divorce in her second marriage over 15 years ago (2003).

This coupled with today’s news that the author of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” had disavowed his own book and had left Christianity got my mind twirling even more.

This post is more a reflection and not meant as a judgment on anyone.  The opposite really.  For starters the fact that I’m just now hearing of Melody’s divorce makes me respect her that much more.  Seems we’ve become a nation obsessed with the tragedies of others and when we go through a tragedy our first reaction is to make sure we cast ourselves in the best light.

I’ve found myself doing that with my divorce.  For the longest time, I’d follow the fact of my divorce with “I didn’t want it, didn’t deserve it (in the big sin category at least) and I didn’t abandon my kids.”  For someone like Melody Green to go through a divorce and yet so few (if any) of these self-defense justifications exist online is a testimony to her character.  I intend to follow her example and just not say anything to justify myself or condemn another (though notice how I subtly stated my defense earlier in this paragraph – hypocrite much?)

I’m also VERY thankful for being so mundane [not famous] that this valley of the shadow of death I went through was of interest to very few people … I can’t fathom the anguish ministers or famous people go through when their life is hell and the peanut gallery is picking sides.

Divorce sucks and should be avoided … but WHEN (not if) it happens how should we Christians then live?

I heard a sermon once (or it may have been a graduation speech TBH) about life is in the dash.  The dash between born on this date – died on this date.  This dash is where life is lived.

Maybe when it comes to the tragic end of marriages, ministries or even someone walking away from following Christ we could give some credit to the journey and what was accomplished therein.

I don’t see my 1st marriage as a failure.  In the classical sense it was (in the game of Christian chicken we didn’t stay in what was becoming a conflict-ridden marriage until one of us chickened out and died).  But to be fair do we use this same logic on athletes, businesses, and jobs?  If we did every athlete ever is (or will be) a failure when they leave the sport.  Or every worker can’t take the heat and gets a different job or retires (“you vill vork until you die” is our German family’s mantra).  Every business will eventually get bought out or go bankrupt.  Every bag of chips or bottle of Pepsi will eventually run out.  Life is hard.

One of the songs at our wedding in 1998 was from Michael Card’s album “Joy in the Journey.”  Maybe that is a healthier and more compassionate grace-filled way of looking at life.  Take joy and be grateful for the journey.

I honestly am coming to see my 1st marriage as a success with a sad ending (but the epilogue is not written yet).  We had 17 mostly good years, gave life to and are raising six wonderful children, were involved in church as Sunday school teachers, mission & prayer leaders and superactive members.  Tamara worked so I could go to grad school after I helped her finish college.  We both worked to provide diapers, onesies, insurance and toys for our growing brood.  We challenged each other, helped the other mature and encouraged each other in developing our gifts (many of my published articles and unpublished books were greatly influenced by Tamara).  She did most (ALL) of the work when it came to giving birth, though I gladly changed my share of diapers and did middle of the night feedings.  We both have poured ourselves into our children and have been blessed many times over (our oldest Nate, who is in Army bootcamp, turned 19 today – the 29th).

I doubt this little diddy will change our culture’s fascination with the endpoints (how did they die? divorce? become discombobulated?).  But I can say I want to be more aware of what happens in the dash.  How did that ministry help people while it was active?   How did that marriage advance God’s kingdom while they were together?  How did that life help share the love of Jesus while he/she was walking out the faith?

Part of me wants to say the cliché “we could’ve worked it out.”  But what if that isn’t true?  What if the marriage was to become an albatross that would’ve sunk both of us and shipwrecked our kids?  The image of two old people bickering and belittling each other is repugnant to me.  What if that is where we were headed? Sometimes, as Kenny Rogers sings “you’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em …”  Maybe her ending the marriage is exactly what needed to happen for both of us to be fulfilled and our children to mature properly?  I honestly don’t know the answer but I know God is and will Romans 8:28 it.

I’m not trying to justify divorce, nor am I just trying to see the silver lining in a monsoon but why must we lament the end of every chapter or book?  The parting of Paul and Barnabas (i.e. two of the early church fathers parted company over a disagreement) happens even to the best Christians.  Instead of conducting some morbid after-action report ascribing blame … what if we gave God some credit for making something great out of our brokenness? (i.e. that is what the gospel “Good News” is all about)  There is none righteous.  Having gone through my own dark night of the soul I, unironically, have a lot more grace and am much SLOOOWEERR to judge others.

Finally the rebuilding.  I saw recently the argument that divorce isn’t adultery.  It’s the person that remarries first – they are the adulterer.  The thought I had was simple: “I refuse to play that game of Christian chicken.”  Paul went on with his ministry as did Barnabas.  Neither was disqualified or kicked to the curb by Jesus.  If it helps I’ll be glad to remarry first (just have to find someone crazy enough AND that wants to walk life with me – but with God nothing is impossible, so there is a chance!).  Aside: the best dating advice I’ve been given is be yourself (everyone else is taken).  That being said be yourself, but be the best version of yourself – there are plenty of fish in the sea but good luck being bitter, out of shape and without prospects bait.

Again the need to be “not as bad as the other person” creeps its hideous head.  Sadly our need to judge others and why they failed is a nasty boomerang to throw.  I won’t tell you how I know … we never discussed other people’s marriages and who would divorce first. 🙂  Okay … yeh, nasty boomerang.

I had no intention of writing such a missive.  I thought this would be a brief FB post.  I do wonder how much more like Christ we could be if we could focus more on the good that came out of ministries, marriages and people before entropy kicked in.  The law focuses on catastrophe, grace focuses on eucatastrophe (God at work through the catastrophe). 

I am thankful for my ex-wife Tamara.  She is an awesome mother, friend, nurse, and was a great wife.   While the first three are still in play, I’m praying God brings a wonderful man along and that they can be a blessing to each other, all the kids involved and the world.

As for me I intend to be one of those old people so much in love that it makes all the young whimper snappers (grandkids, great-grandkids) uncomfortable.

“God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8.   I’m so glad God didn’t wait until we were perfect before He loved us but accepts us as we are. Seems like a good example to follow.

Dream on, you realist

by Philip Pfanstiel

  • Dreams?  What is up with them? It? They?
  • Why did Joseph’s brothers hate him even more after he told them his crazy dreams?
  • Why did God choose to use dreams in the bible?
  • Are all dreams from God?
  • What is the difference between a dream and a vision?
  • How many songs are there about dreams?  How many songs do you have on your playlists about dreams?
  • How many songs about being practical?  Name one song on your device about being reasonable?
  • Why are we at one hand fascinated by dreamers while we do everything in our power to be reasonable and dismiss those starry-eyed romantics that question our carefully constructed sand castles?

Okay, so that’s a lot of stuff to cover.  So I’m going to do the ONE thing a dreamer could never dream of doing.  I’m gonna quit.  Or at least for now on the middle questions.  But like dreams I’ll be back when you least expect it.

* * * * * * *

I went on a missions trip to Turkey in college and I had one of my few nightmares.  In the nightmare I woke up and I was already back in Tulsa.  I remember how distraught I was in the dream.  When I woke up and was still in Turkey (with two more weeks of ministry) I was beyond relieved and paid extra attention to finishing the trip on full throttle.

I don’t have many nightmares but most of them have to do with regret.  Not finishing the course.  Not walking things through.  Giving up while time is still on the clock.

Maybe that’s a reason people hate dreamers (or in a more politically correct and insulting way – dismiss them entirely); dreamers don’t quit.   All the reasonable people (I’m guessing since I aint one of them) already have (quit).

I was thinking about the song “Dream On” by Aerosmith a few weeks ago.  Not having heard it for a while I thought that it was kind of random.  Then the next day I was getting my hairs (did I needlessly emphasize the plural just now?) cut and the song “Dream On” started playing.  Now if this were my iPhone or computer I’d chalk it up to Big Brother spying on us and think nothing of it (wait … what!?  Our technologies are spying on us?!).  But this was a total coincidence … or was it?

Another song I’ve been rummaging through is “God’s Own Fool” by Michael Card. 

Clarification: I don’t think dreamers are unreasonable or fools.  We just seem that way.  I don’t like it but I’m getting good with people underestimating me.  Sure dreamers can sometime (often times) do, say, ask or think some way out there stuff but there is a “deeper magic” going on in the mind and heart of a dreamer.  And if we can silence the doubts for a moment and consider these stranger things we might find the epiphanies or cyphers that will get us all running through the streets naked yelling “Eureka Springs!  They found me.”  And that’s when they find us and take us back to the ward of diminished and silenced outliers.

But we don’t stay there.  No, being cast out is one of the best places for a dreamer to be.  Be it Moses, John the Baptist or Jesus in the wilderness, Joseph, John or Paul in prison, David or Jacob fleeing for their life – dreamers do their best dreaming when they’ve been cast out.  Yeah.  I’m so excited.  Woop … ie.  Sign me up?

TBH – I think we all know what I’m writing is true.  Because we are ALL designed and purposed to be dreamers.  But many of us have traded in our dreams for the drab “reality” of being thought reasonable.  I suspect many people are so devoted to fantasy / science fiction / hobbies because they KNOW that there is something more and can’t accept THIS as all there is.  There’s got to be more to this life … right?

There is a strange story in I Kings 13 (verses 11-25) were a young prophet is used powerfully by God and resists all enticements.  However on his way home an older prophet lies to him and causes him to disobey the Word of the Lord with disastrous consequences.

The element of the story I want to focus on is the desire to be accepted. Approved of.  Loved.  The young prophet walked a long and dangerous road.  But the real threat was AFTER the victory and was delivered by the acceptance the older prophet offered.  What am I saying?  The fear of man.  Being accepted.  Finding friendship.   Finding people that seem to understand us.

As Admiral Ackbar says so eloquently, “It’s a Trap!”

A trap way too many followers of Jesus fall into.  Life has a way of kicking the snot out of us and while we’re recovering from being thrown into the well by our brothers, we survive only to be sold into slavery, then lied about and betrayed, imprisoned and forgotten.

But don’t believe it.  Chewbacca, Leah and Luke and others are on their way to rescue us from carbonite and to off Jabba the Hut in the process.

Oh, wait, wrong imprisonment story. I blame Ackbar.

I’ve thought a lot about Joseph throughout my life.  He was a dreamer but far from being a liability, his ability to think outside the box coupled with the hard-earned wisdom he acquired along the way, he became the savior of his family, Egypt and arguably much of the world.  His ideas for food storage (they’ve found archeological evidence for his granaries that will blow your mind), and distribution are STILL super innovative.

I’ve been going over this story with my kids and at a recent devo I was struck by Joseph’s ultimate vindication.  Jacob has died and his brothers come to Joseph and beg for their lives.  It sounds great “what you meant for evil, God has used for good.” (Genesis 50:15-21)

The thing is his brothers were right.  This was Joseph’s moment of revenge.  Jacob had been buried in peace.  Now Joseph had all the power, the right and now the opportunity to exact his revenge.   I feel for those brothers who instead of enjoying the prosperity of Egypt, family reunions and the final years of Jacob’s life are instead living the nightmare of what will Joseph do to us when our dad dies?

I’m sure this thought had crossed Joseph’s mind when he was going through his trials but the beauty of a dreamer is we’re always looking ahead.  “Keep moving forward.” “Okay, that sucked.  But in that pile of horse manure there has got to be a pony somewhere!” 

BTW Would we even know about Joseph or even his family … indeed the entire redemptive work of God through the Hebrew people if Joseph had killed his brothers?  Even if he had let their families live and ONLY killed the brothers what would this act of retribution have done to the entire plan of God?  His ultimate test was one most reasonable person would have flunked.

Joseph proved the power of a dreamer again at the very end of his life when he gives instructions for his burial when the Israelites return to Canaan (Gen 50: 24-25).  How many generations of Israelites were given hope in the midst of their bondage by the fact that Joseph’s final dream was to be buried in the Promised Land?

Unreasonable.  Foolish.  But oh so incredibly powerful!

What dreamers (and those who may be enticed to return to your first love – and yes I will keep dreaming) might do well to realize is that the opposition to dreams can, if we will allow them, be the very crucible that brings about the fulfillment of the dream.  Joseph would never have saved Egypt and his family IF his brothers hadn’t sold him into slavery.  David would have been an inconsequential, petty king long since forgotten if it weren’t for Saul’s persecution of him.  Same could be said of so many men and woman in the Bible.  The crap (resistance) we endure is the fertilizer that cannot help but bring to life the kernel of hope that is in every dream.

Final thought; I hate the verse “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…”  (Proverbs 13:12a) Never has a verse been more true and yet more depressing.  But as is often the case for the longest time I didn’t zoom out and see the big picture. 

The very next part of this verse is the reversal Joseph, David, Jesus and maybe even you and I are holding onto, maybe at times, by our fingernails.  “But a promise fulfilled is a tree of life.”

The promise is that the life we lost in the garden will be returned to us – all we need do is strengthen our hearts, endure the crap and dream on.