The Philip Pfiles

06/07/09: Pain's Refrain: Become Bitter or (rhymes with) Butter

If one could put a price on pain, my current level would be worth at least five blog entries.

I could write about rejection. About not being appreciated. I could rant and rail against all the perceived hurts, injuries and injustices done to me. Inversely, I could turn the tables and rant and rail about my own self-centeredness, lack of appreciation for others, and about how I deserve much worse.

All of these entries would be true and I may visit them in the future, but this article is about what to do with all this pain; become resentful. Uh... wait, that’s what I want to write. What I will write is about forgiveness. The medicine no one wants to take themselves. Make others take it? Sure. Take it ourselves? Not so much.

So what is causing me such pain, such feelings of rejection and of not being appreciated?

As I prepare to write of the thorn in my side it seems so inconsequential (because it is) but even splitters can go gangrene.

I didn’t win the “Teacher of the Month” award. And I shall never win it. At least not from the school campus where I have worked and given so much of myself over the past five years. Yesterday was the last day at my current school. Where I will be in August is still in limbo, but where I will be not is positive.

And I deserved to win it at least once. We have many great teachers at my newly old school. But I easily rank in the top 10 as far as commitment, time spent with students outside of school time, passion for teaching and willingness to help any and everyone that needed help (staff or student).

But it availed me not. True, I could look at the silver lining that my students nominated me over a dozen times, and I was honored with an even bigger accolade by a former student this year (an award I wouldn’t trade for a dozen Teacher of the Month Awards). And their acceptance of me is very meaningful, but it makes more glaring the choice of my peers to reject me.

Why is it that what we want, we don’t receive, but what we don’t appreciate, we have plenty of?

I’ve truly been a blessed man. I have wonderful parents, family, friends, wife, children (5 at last census), health, abilities, talents, intelligence, education, employment and sense of humor (one which I enjoy way too much). God has blessed me and so at this point in the conversation that I’ve had with myself I become ashamed at my selfishness. I shouldn’t care about this award or recognition by my peers. I should be thankful for all that I have... and I am. But denying the splinter because the rest of the body isn’t punctured isn’t wholesome.

Now comes the rub. I can’t deny the feelings of rejection and lack of appreciation nor can I deny that I’ve been blessed. I have been blessed by my school, principal, students and fellow staff members so much over the last eight years (five at my most recent campus), to let it end on such a downer isn’t a good summation. It would work for the Coen brothers but I prefer the typical Hollywood endings when it comes to my own life. Let the artsy people walk around depressed all the time, I’ll gladly accept my sugar coated reality.

The answer? I get to choose between resentment and forgiveness. And the choice while easily stated isn’t so easily chosen. Resentment brings with it all the favors of any great pity party. Forgiveness is a bitter pill to swallow. Resentment is like candy as it goes down.

Never mind what is contained beneath the coating; placebo or miracle medicine. You can only tell them apart by their fruit - what the medicine actually does.

One gives you ulcers, the other a good nights rest. One makes you jaded and jilted, the other joyful and upwards tilted (and bad at the rhyme, anyone for lemon, lime?).

One we become our own advocate, avenger, and herald of our own case. The other we allow God to vindicate, justify and champion our cause.

As far as my choice?

I couldn’t even pretend that I’m deserving of the Teacher of the Month Award if I chose ...

Wait, before I tell you what my choice is, I should ask you for your advice about what I should do?

Warning: Taking one’s own medicine isn’t as easy as it sounds.

04/07/09: Overstaying my type

I say too much. I can't keep these entries brief. And because each entry must be an intended masterpiece I fail to write often, but I make up for this by writing too much when I do. In essence its just bad marketing. My wife writes little but often and she has a lot of readers, I write seldom and too much ...

I find this same principle affecting other areas of my life as well; especially at work. I'm too available. Too involved. Too open with people. I'm too helpful to others. I try to do too much.

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then I think I need to pull back and maybe people will start to appreciate me more. They sure don't appreciate me now.

If it reads like I'm throwing a pity party then ... it really is obvious isn't it.

The biggest problem with throwing a pity party is that God always reminds you of people who have it much worse. And as I was reminded when I came home tonight I have so much to be thankful for, to concentrate on those sources of discouragement (lack of professional peer recognition) is to concentrate on the empty 10% of the glass.

I could go on, but the whole point of this entry would have been lost.

02/16/09: Some Random Thoughts

I haven't written much as of late. Stating the obvious to me and the inconsequential to everyone else is how I like to start most of my entries.

Here are my thoughts on shuffle mode.

American Idol: I’m really ticked that they didn’t pick Jamar Rogers for the final 36. I like him a lot and could see him and his friend, Danny Gokey, making it easily to the final 12. Instead they chose three of the most annoying Sanji’esque people, Stephen Fowler, Nick Mitchell and Titianna Del Toro. I’m betting the people at votefortheworst.com have already called to thank the producers. It seems the producers are more interested in obnoxiousness and ratings then in actually putting through singers that can actually sell albums. All I can say at this point is that my wife and I’ll be voting for Danny and hoping he wins so that he and Jamar can cut an album together. Maybe the next dc Talk. I’d definitely buy their albums. BTW I own only one album by an Idol alum and that album is Daughtry by 4th place finisher Chris Daughtry. We’ll see how the top 36 shake down, but if they give much more air time to the three above mentioned annoyances then I think I’ll skip this season.

Luv, tru luv?: Teen love is hard to take seriously. My wife and I watched “Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist” tonight. It was enjoyable in that it was the first movie in a long time that we sat down on the couch and watched together without trying to clean, grade papers, sew or some other chore. The movie wasn't bad. I wouldn't recommend it, nor would I discommend (sp) it. Inconsequential is the best term.

It seems too many movies go for the teen crowd. I know why: teens spend a lot of money, they have the time, can cast up and coming talent and such a movie is cheap to produce. Just a sec... I have a new script idea, better call my agent.

No answer. Anyway, the problem (and yes there's always a problem) besides the promoting of unsustainable sexual chemistry, superficial physicality, reckless driving, risque night life, and a few dozen other dangerous juvenile behaviors is that there was no moral to the movie. Nothing. And yes, I'm starting to sound like a grumpy old man.

In my defense, I liked the last Michael Cera movie “Juno” a lot (and I LOVED Arrested Development). There was something very redeeming and moral about Juno. This “Playlist” wasn't moral, and to be fair it wasn't that immoral, it was just amoral. And that I think sums up the current cultural malaise in America. “Do what is right in your own eyes and accept people the way they are. Judge nothing, lest we picket you, you intolerant bigot.”

My idea? Thanks for asking. It’s a film about this older couple with say... five kids, who live in the suburbs, serving in their community, their church and each other and then aliens attack and they must join forces with the Decepticons to undo the damage done by HAL 5000 and the league of semi-ordinary gentlepeople, while at the same time fighting a vicious attack of the common cold and diaper rash.

Darn... Still no answer.

Next Random Thought: Career Crush

I've had this idea rummaging around in my head for years. I may develop it into a fuller article and when I’ll do I’ll link back to it here. Yup, haven’t written it yet, so here’s what I got so far.

We all have our crushes. As a married man I do my best not to have romantic crushes (though Princess Leia is still so darn hot ... especially with those honey bun rolls on her head) but I have had my share of Career Crushes.

So what is a Career Crush? Well for someone like me who has no connections whatsoever (and the one I do wont answer) I often hope, daydream and pine for that one “connection” that will propel me from a nameless public school teacher to the next Robert Bolt or David Puttnam (and yes I just named one of my career crushes - I’m incorrigible). For those who aren’t writers obsessed with the movie, “The Mission”, the above mentioned persons are my British Idols (along with C.S. Lewis and Winston Churchill) and only Puttnam is still with us. He’s retired but if he were to come out of retirement I have this script...

That is my dream to be a writer and producer. And a sycophant. And I know that it will happen. (Not the sycophant... that was a joke) Someday. But the person that’s going to make it happen isn’t human... or well He is but is also something else. Divine. And I’m not just trying to butter him. I’m talking about Jesus Christ. Which may be one reason no one returns my calls (yes, I’ll drop that running joke like a telemarketer).

Which leads me to my next not so random thought: Time: Sometimes I wonder when my opportunity will come and other times I don't think I'll ever be ready when it does. Where I am today after teaching for eight years, raising five kids and developing my own business and scripts is nowhere near where I was eight years ago when I graduated from film school. So in some ways I feel much better prepared when the opportunity arises. But there are other days when I feel so insignificant and that I’ll never be ready.

It reminds me of this cool verse in the Bible... “He makes all things beautiful in his time.”

Which in turns reminds me of this favorite childhood song and cartoon catchphrase “have patience, have patience, don’t be in such a hurry, when you get inpatient, you only start to worry.” and “patience my little Smurflings.”

I know that the day I finally get over my Career Crush that God will open doors and move me to where He wants me to be. I guess that’s a cool thought really - that God wants to be my “connection.” Its funny how crushes disappear when confronted with the realistic choices, and even funnier when the realistic choices produce a love and fruit that lasts, while the crushes are squeezed out. What’s even funnier is that this last sentence makes sense only to me. I think I need to stop watching movies made for teens.

Novels: I'm reading the Anne Rice novel “ Road to Cana.” I’ll write more about it when I’m done. But I did want to let my mom know that I can still read. I never read her vampire novels, but it is amazing how God is using the fame and skills she gained from those novels as she writes these novels about Christ. It is a very good read... and this despite the fact that there aren’t any pictures. But I’m determined to finish the book before I go back to my junior novelizations.

11/03/08: Voting and vetting behind the veil

I won’t tell my students who I’m voting for.

Not that I’m ashamed of McCain (BTW I’m voting for John McCain) its just that being in such a diverse school students are very passionate about their candidate and they would get offended if I’m not backing their guy. Really, either way you vote you'll offend somebody.

So I’m teaching them the value of listening to others and respecting the opinions of others, especially when you disagree with them. I'm also encouraging them to think for themselves... but that will take more time than what I have with them in one year.

Speaking of not thinking for oneself... Its hard not to buy into the excitement of Obama. He is inspiring. His words are like honey. He is charismatic and intriguing. He is historical and would bring a new dynamic to the presidency that has never been there (and yes I’m speaking of the minority part, we’ve already had the liberal part).

The problems though outweigh the positives. For beginners he sounds too good. “If its too good to be true it probably is.” And while he sounds great, his actual accomplishments are minuscule. And even if his success in organization (he has led a great campaign) are carried over into the White House the things that he’d accomplish I disagree with 70-80% of them (from abortion to education, from national defense to supreme court justice selection).

But the most disturbing are the intangibles. Something just doesn’t feel right.

Now I could spout off a dozen accusations from the internet but most of these are superfluous and baseless. There are a few that may prove problematic to say the least (is he even eligible to run for president? Was he born in Kenya or is he an Indonesian citizen? Who checks this out and what happens if he isn’t eligible to be president but he wins the election?)

It reminds me of a student body election in high school. Who does the student body elect the nerd with experience in concessions and scouts or the popular attractive charismatic kid who gives good speeches and looks cool?

I guess my biggest problem with Obama is not really his fault. The media has given him a pass on any real grilling. They’ve saved the inquisition for Sarah Palin. The extent of the inquisitive nature that is supposed to be a hallmark of journalism is that they’ve all read his books and have experienced goose bumps running down their legs.

So my biggest gripe is with the media. But I’m not giving Obama a pass either. He’s been very shrewd and opportunistic. Which makes for a great politician but not necessarily a great leader.

The way that he won his state senate seat (by disqualifying the other contenders) to his always trading up without paying his dues where he is (opportunism). This leads to the experience question and has he ever been tested? While he could have nerves of steel under pressure and make the best decisions the fact that he has never had to make tough decisions and hasn’t been under much pressure are two bad omens.

A last thought on Obama: why does he want to be president? And on a related note: does he hold a grudge? Does he forgive and forget or is his presidency going to be an evening up of the perceived score? I don’t know what this might translate to, but it is a feeling I have.

Now, I’m not just a vote againster. I would be voting for McCain over pretty much everyone but Mike Huckabee.

I like McCain. He has been tested. He has shown his mettle. And I personally like the fact that he loses his temper. It shows his passion and heart. And the fact that he writes notes and apologizes to those he blows up at makes him human... and more like me than I want to admit (except I'm not good at writing notes).

I also agree with most of his policy positions (abortion, national defense, and supreme court) and generally respect him a lot more.

In short I’ll be voting for John McCain.

I don’t know that it will help though. I think the media has already anointed Obama. And the majority of Americans vote more on a candidates personality then his positions. And the McCain campaign has not run a great race (they’ve focused on the minor issues while ignoring the important ones - plus they’ve played a reactive instead of proactive campaign). And Obama has run a better race.

Sure McCain has a Hail Mary left and could pull this election off, but I don’t see it happening and if it does then his victory would be bittersweet (can anyone say race riots?)

If Barack Obama does win this election I’ll tell you what I’m going to do though. Well, I’m not going to go to Canada or leave this planet (I wish those who spout off such jibberish would actually keep their promises). No, I’ll stay right in America and pray for our next president. Pray for his safety, wisdom and that God would use him to lead this country.

So I will pray ... but first I’ll vote. I just wish I lived in Chicago or that ACORN had contacted me. That way I could vote a lot.

07/29/08: The Cribs Oxen Make

aka: An Ode to a Messy House

My kids are a mess. My kids are loud. My kids are immature. Picky. Moody.

My kids are too much like me...

But my kids are also kind. Caring. Compassionate. Insightful. Full of life. Crazy Fun. Beautiful.

I wish I were more like my kids.

Eight years ago today my wife and I welcomed our first born Nathaniel into the world in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

This past February I attended my 10 year college reunion and it was like I was looking into one of my previous lives. So much of who I am and what defines me has changed over the past 2/3rd of a dozen years ago (big families count in dozens simply for the shock value).

But children are messy. They mess up everything... if done right. Which leads me to the following line of logic:

Passion brings life. Life is messy. Passion is messy.

I don’t know if the syllogism works (yes, syllogism is a new word I learned so I’m trying to use it a dozen times so I don’t forget ... what was I talking about?). But here is my logic...

Children are a product of passion. I won’t go into details since this is a family site (sorta). So much of life is like this if you think about it. We follow our passions first (whether it be love, career, ministry or sports team) and think of the cost later, if we ever do really consider it.

For too long I’ve viewed my children as weights that have held me back from pursuing my real dreams. If it were up to me my life would be completely different. It would be so much more cleaner, “successful” and ... empty. It would suck.

And what’s worse is, I wouldn’t even know it. I wrote awhile back that “we never weep over the children that were never conceived.” That comment has haunted me.

I prayed a dozen years ago that God would glorify himself at my expense. Bad prayer to pray if you want a comfortable life. Great prayer if you want your prayers to be answered.

Fortunately, God had his hand in this delay / redirection.

My prayer now is not for success or for my dreams to come true but for His will and dreams to come true. And while I’ve longed to produce great theatric masterpieces, God has instead opened up a whole new production line that is infinitely more valuable, beautiful and meaningful.

Ironically, many of my other prayers have also been answered in ways I didn’t expect. For years I’ve wanted friends that would play RTS games with me like I used to have in college.

Yesterday I took my son to the store to buy a video game for his birthday. He then picked the one video game (Stronghold Legends) that I had had my own eye (but hadn’t purchased because of time constraints) out of hundreds of titles available and we spent hours playing together today.

I’ve also longed for a fan base that would faun over every story, quip and line that spills from my patriarchal mouth.

Now my kids beg me every night to tell them stories. Early this summer I spent four weeks giving them one of my fantasy stories a chapter at a time. Now they want me to tell the next story, and I’m not ready. I can finally say that I now have more fans than I know what to do with.

One of my favorite proverbs is the one that reads “where no oxen is the crib is clean.” Basically, its easy to keep a barn clean if there aren’t any animals in it. I have seen too many of my friends live antiseptically clean lives and have spotless houses and be the poorer for it. My wife makes a mess and my kids love her for it (and I do too once I get past my fit of OCD). Many judge our house, our five children and our own weary smiles and say “how do they do it?” whilst thinking “thank God, we don’t have to do that.”

I thank God that I do get to do it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Except I’d like to make it an even eight (one more biological and a sibling set from an African orphanage), but I’m holding all of my plans loosely lest my plans block God’s dream for me and my family.

Besides once the house reaches a certain level of disaster any additional destruction is actually rebuilding... right?

In conclusion to this wandering toddler of an essay. That is how life is in a house full of children. Messy but meaningful. Loud but lively. Crazy but creative. Wild and Wonderful.

Link to my wonderful and beautiful wife’s blog and a photo of our family

07/20/08: Since I’m not dead...

Today is my 34th birthday and I’m not dead. I’m happy. Not happy in the sense that “any day that you’re alive is better than the alternative.” Though, that’s a pretty good reason to be happy.

No I’m happy in the “whew, I made it past that barrier.” What barrier you may or may not ask, but I’ll answer anyway.

The Jesus Barrier.

Jesus died at the age of 33. I didn’t, so whew, I made it.

And no, I’m not better than Jesus. In fact He was SO good that He accomplished everything He was sent to do in 33 years.

Honestly I figure that if I’m 1/3 the man that Jesus is/was then I’ll have to live to 99 years of age to fulfill my mission or destiny. That works for me... since I’m not dead and have a lot of life left to live and loads of alliterations to list.

07/19/08: Cede nothing without making them show their work

On the plane from Atlanta to Dallas today I set by a former missionary and had a good chat. When the conversation came around to Evolution ...

Brief Aside: Most of my conversations come around to Evolution and Creation if they go long enough because that is the subject matter of my pilot project for my new production company that has consumed my life for the last 18 months and this run on sentence and yes it also ate all of the commas. So it would make sense that it usually makes its way into my conversations. I would apologize, but I’m not sorry and I don’t want to be more neurotic than necessary to sustain my reputation.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m the only one that does this. In fact, I believe we all do. That is, we all steer conversations toward things that we are passionate about. Most of the time such maneuvering goes unnoticed because everyone does it.

Homework: Try steering your next conversation towards something unusual that you normally wouldn’t talk about. Let’s say your chatting with the pizza delivery guy; well see how quickly you can lead the conversation towards alien abduction or the danger of vaccinations. Seriously, it will be fun. Me, I’m going to somehow lead the next conversation I’m in tomorrow towards the dangers of underground sinkholes (as opposed to the celestial sort). The art to this exercise is in doing it in such a way that it seems natural and intelligent. Doing it too quickly will be coming out of left field, and too slowly and you may lose your audience to the dangerous sinkholes that are creeping up on us every day. And no that last sentence doesn’t count as completing my homework.

Brief Aside Over - Return to actual blog entry ...

So when the conversation came around to Evolution it was interesting to see how quickly this missionary, bible translator and lifelong Christian ceded much of Biblical teaching regarding Creation to current scientific thought regarding the age of the earth (estimates say about 4.5 billion years give or take a year).

And this isn’t a criticism of him. Its more of a thought. I myself am trying to keep myself open to truth no matter how uncomfortable it makes me at first.

But how quickly should I recast clear biblical teaching about a relatively young earth (6 to 10 thousand years) to accommodate current scientific thinking? In other words should I just accept the experts’ answers and reinterpret the first half dozen chapters of Genesis so that I appear more reasonable and intelligent?

Or maybe I should hold my theologically sound ground against ALL the evidence so that I maintain my spiritual peace of mind whilst not using any of my mind’s other pieces?

If you know me (which if you haven’t met me you really should - I would love to meet my reader), then you already know that neither extreme appeals to me.

My conclusion; as Christians we should be very careful when we cede biblical teaching to contemporary scientific (or social, political, parental, economic, etc...) thought without first making them show their work. If they’ve done the work and are willing to show it then we shouldn’t be afraid to consider, evaluate and test it and follow the truth where it leads us.

If; however, they aren’t willing to show the work and just expect us to swallow it hook, line and sinker then don’t take the bait. We’re to be fishers of men, not mounted guppies.

07/09/08: Fatalistic Faith: Or Why I Hate Faith

I hate Faith. Not my sister Faith. I love her very much. I hate the word "Faith", especially the Word of Faith movement.

Problems quickly arise because the Bible says that “without Faith it is impossible to please God.” This and dozens of other references make it clear that Faith is important to God.

So as I struggled with faith it became clear that it was the definition of faith as more formula then actual trust in God that had led to this hating. But wait, I’ve given too much away already. I need to save something for the conclusion.

I wish there was a simple way of putting this without a history lesson but I don’t see one. Basically the Word of Faith movement teaches that anything is possible as long as one has enough faith that it will happen. So if something doesn’t happen (healing, success or wealth) then it was because of one’s lack of faith. Springing from this movement is the more blatantly unbiblical “Prosperity Gospel” that is being touted by many of the infamous tele-evangelists that clog the airwaves.

But I’ll save my skewers for these charlatans for a later day. Or maybe a “last day”?

The Word of Faith movement was really given birth by the late Kenneth Hagin Sr. at his church and bible school, Rhema, in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. It sprang from Charismatic and Pentecostal churches after World War II. (I am still a practicing Charismatic, though I reject the Faith Movement and Prosperity Gospel).

My family’s history is intertwined with this school and I hold no ill will for the Hagins or their school. In fact my parents are both graduates of Rhema and I myself attended numerous meetings, church services and am very familiar with the Word of Faith Movement as I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Most of Faith teaching is rooted in biblical passages and sounds great. The problems arise when the sh** hits the fan as it so often does in life.

During my late teens and early 20's I had a number of Godly woman that I knew and cared for die of cancer. This is unfortunately where the true colors of the Faith gospel is revealed. (Link to article about these women)

As was told to these ladies numerous times in their last days “if only you would have enough Faith, God would heal you.” Needless to say they didn’t have “enough faith.”

So much for mourning with those who mourn. Why heal the wounded when we can just shoot them?

Now my journey out of the Faith Movement into a more balanced (and scriptural) belief has taken me from the extreme of the Faith Movement to the opposite extreme of nearly becoming a deist (where God set the world in motion and doesn't do anything anymore) and now I’m resting peacefully in green pastures and guess who’s camped out next door?

The Faith Movement. But, alas, there are some major differences that need to be cleared.

My faith... Trust is a word that I think more accurately reflects what the Bible teaches. So my Trust/Faith is in God and the death, resurrection and finished work of Jesus Christ. My faith is not in my own formula, near incantational ability to conjure up enough Faith to demand God’s action.

My faith is in God. But unlike many who disparage the Faith Movement, this faith is not a fatalistic faith in God’s “divine will” that is a cop out for letting life slap us silly and then saying “oh, it must have been God’s will ...”

Herein lies the nuanced but powerful middle ground. God wants us to act, He wants us to pray and when we do He will act on our behalf. Not because he has to, but because he wants to. God repeatedly calls us to act, pray and believe for greater things. When we live life and play possum when problems arise we are hardly giving God much glory or even the chance for glory.

This is why Faith Movement churches are also some of the largest churches in the world. People want to experience an active God and God does act through these churches. Not because they have it all right, but because they are doing something.

But how big (not that size is a measure of success or biblical correctness) would a church get that expected and acted in accordance with a powerful and miraculous God AND approached the tragedies of life with more grace, comfort and weeping for those affected?

As for me and my house we will Trust in God and a big part of trust is obeying the instructions that we’re given by God. “Go... preach... heal... cast out demons... raise the dead... be my witnesses."

06/25/08: Killer Compassion

Love and Truth.

Compassion and Justice.

Forgiveness and Vengeance.

It doth appear from where I stand (or more often sit) that our society is schizophrenic. We are caught in a dichotomy of our own making. I just wish I knew what dichotomy means.

Paradigm Shift anyone?

On one hand we celebrate love, compassion and forgiveness as hallmarks of our greatness as a nation. As long as its cheap, convenient and doesn't affect us personally.

That's when we call for brutal honest truth, a justice of the peace (or a lawyer) and bloody, exacting, and total vengeance.

On an aside: I've been struck by the number of people that champion causes (be it the prevention of some disease, affliction or crime) AFTER they or someone close to them is affected. And this is noble, don't get me wrong, but what are the rest of us waiting for? Are we waiting until we get cancer? Our children have autism? Some drunk kills our family? Why are we addicted to reactions and not actions?

So on this note I will proactively state my solutions before they affect me personally.

1. I believe drunk drivers who cause the loss of a single life should be executed. Unless it is there own, then they should be let off with a warning and some rehab.

2. I believe those who molest, rape, kidnap or assault a child should be executed. I won't even try to rationalize or explain what is instinct in every mother and father around the world. You hurt my child, you die.

3. I believe all naturally occurring drugs should be made legal. I don't and probably would never take Marijuana or Cocaine but it seems absurd that we prohibit naturally occurring drugs that God made, while we synthetically recreate these same drugs in the lab and pay out the wazoo for them, all the while destroying whole countries fighting a war that will not be won. If there is a war that we should be "cut and running" from it’s the war on drugs. Besides once we legalize it we can control it, tax it and educate people about it (see cigarettes and beer). If, however, we insist on this war on drugs then we should be honest and add cigarettes and beer to the other life destroying drugs. All or nothing, anything else is hypocritical.

4. I believe that children are a blessing and should be treated like a national treasure. I have a lot of thoughts on this and will write about it elsewhere, but for now suffice to say children are a blessing. However, a blessing can become a curse if we don't lead by example and invest love and time teaching truth and character at an early age.

5. I believe training requires carrots and sticks, rewards and consequences. Along this line, children need to be spanked from time to time. A good paddling by loving parents is the best medicine for selfish immaturity. Again, I'll write about this later. Too often our more "humane" punishments are so removed from the actual offense that the poor child never makes the connection. At many schools students are punished with "timeout" (alternate class or in school suspension) for an offense days or weeks after the event and never make the connection. I stole from my teacher's desk, was caught and got swatted by the principal when I was in 5th grade. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and the last time I ever stole. Sometimes truth must pass through the butt to properly register. I think if we did this more with children we wouldn't have so many messed up adults.

6. I believe that we need some good ole fashion exorcisms. Jesus went about doing good, healing the sick, casting out demons and raising the dead. If only Jesus had known how to properly diagnos everyone he wouldn't have had to spend a quarter of his time casting out demons.

7. I believe that we should take away the video games, TVs, computers, music, etc... of every kid with ADD or ADHD and give them only books and then reevaluate them in one month. I'm not against these things in moderation, but I think it is silly to medicate kids for over stimulation before we first remove the hyper-stimulants from their environment.

So what about the killer compassion? I think our supposed compassion is deadly, and while many of my proposals might seem harsh would actually be more compassionate in the long run.

What is more compassionate? Option #1: Rehabilitating one drunk and burying a family of five. Or Option #2: Executing drunk drivers and saving 10,000 to 15,000 innocent lives a year? Believe me, if we got serious and started executing drunk drivers there wouldn't be much drunk driving any more.

Final thought: I believe that the truth is full of love and will save the lives of those it may initially offend. I believe that when justice is systematically and uncompromisingly enforced that the safety that would follow is compassionate. I believe that we need to forgive those who have hurt us, but that the state is equipped, empowered and has to administer vengeance on evil doers. The catch to all of this is that if these seven steps were followed I don't think we'd have to execute very many people before most would catch on and start behaving.

God forbid, but if something happened to anyone in my family, I would forgive the guilty party, pray for their salvation and wish them God speed as I watch them pass from this world to the next.

Harsh? Probably. The way you'll feel when injustice comes knocking at your door. Absolutely.

12/31/07: Certainty in Fallacy: Working Hard versus Striving to do God's Will

I haven't published a blog entry in over seven months. This absence was not purposeful, I just had better stuff to do. And judging from all of the reader feedback lamenting my absence, so have you.

I've been busy starting my own production company and heading its first production. More on this later when I finish the first episode.

My friend John Strong, who is the director/editor on the production, and I were discussing the conflict alluded to in the title: working hard or striving to do God's will. As any Christian worth his weight in communion wafers will tell you, we're supposed to be doing God's will. Right?

If it were only that simple I wouldn't need to break my seven months of seclusion to wax philosophical.

The most obvious question is how do we know God's will? Because in order to do God's will we first have to know what it is. The problem here is what if what we "know" is God's will is not his will at all? I mean didn't the Crusaders' "know" God's will? The Inquisitors? The Jury at the Salem Witch Trials? The list could go on, but that is about all of the bad Christian antics I can think of (and yes, I plan on doing an entry about this at some point in the future).

With Radical Islam presenting such a vivid picture of what it is like when someone "KNOWS" God's will it may be wise to be a little more circumspect. In other words we are wrong in our understanding and knowledge of God. I know I'm wrong I just don't know how or in what respect my understanding is skewed. Knowing that I don't know it all gives me the humility and ability to listen and learn from others despite the fact that their understanding is different from mine.

Now this was a slight departure from what I "knew" I was going to be writing about in this entry but ... well, it does illustrate the point I was going to try to make.

I believe that we are to work hard. We are to live our lives as unto God and in everything we do try to please him and bless others (which is one of the biggest ways we please him). In everything we do we are to do it with all our might as unto the Lord.

The problem with "doing God's will" as mentioned above is that we may be wrong about what his will is but our certainty that our actions are right could lead to unmeasurable harm. Jesus said that his followers would be persecuted and killed and that those who did this would think that they were serving God. Certainty in fallacy. Its a new phrase I just coined. I'll see if it catches on.

I believe (notice I'm not certain and am leaving room for my beliefs to change) that Radical Muslims have this problem. They know they're right and are laying down their lives because of this certainty. The problem is that they are wrong (probably) but will only realize this once they have been used and cast aside by their "handler."

The second problem with "striving to do God's will" is that the onus or responsibility of bringing about His Will is on us. The problem with this assumption is that if it is our responsibility then we're in charge. In the New Testament we (followers of Christ) are routinely called stewards or servants. Never are we called the boss or owner. When we strive we take onto ourselves pressures, difficulties and all the frustrations that don't belong to us.

In my own life God (I believe) has been leading me into this current production (which has consumed every free moment [after family and work] for the last eight months). I believe he is going to bless it, open doors and that I am honoring him by doing this. But I can't and won't say that this is His Will and that anyone who disagrees with the project or how I produced it is wrong.

An interesting example of this is found in the book of Joshua, when Joshua meets the Captain of the Lord's Army (probably an Arch Angel or maybe even Jesus). Joshua asks him who side he is on and the Captain says neither side. The Captain then offers Joshua the opportunity to get on his side.

God is not on our side. God is not a Republican, Democrat, American, Christian or Muslim (although it could be argued that he is a Messianic Jew). What God asks of us (I believe) is for us to be on his side, to work hard, to please him and bless others. We get on his side by knowing his word. We work hard when it is something we believe in and find a purpose in and will then persevere and be faithful to complete. We please him by the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, meekness and self-control: I've rehashed them since they seem to have gotten lost in all of self-help pseudo-spirituality that we'd rather rehash) and these fruits are essential to our helping and blessing others.

I think that if we do this (get on God's side, work hard, please him and bless others) then we are in God's will. But this is more of a journey and not a destination. And for many of us this is our first opportunity to please God by practicing patience and self-control.

As I've been writing this entry I've tried to decide whether I am the pilot and God is my co-pilot/navigator or whether He is the pilot and I am the co-pilot. I believe that I'm the pilot. Ultimately I am in charge of my own life (free will). And this is how God intends it to be. He is my navigator and has a plan for the trip. I should be working hard with all the piloty stuff and not trying to plot my own path by looking at the map.

In my own recent endeavors God has constantly reminded me that what I am responsible for is how I conduct myself on the journey. I can't worry about the destination. But if I do what I know to do and do it with all my might as unto the Lord, then what He does with my business, well that's His business.